September 3/4: Hearing different

Nothing slows this kid down. She's the child that has a fever and still runs around and won't stop talking. It doesn't really matter that she hears half as well as a fully hearing person. Not now that she has hearing aides. She misses a lot if she doesn't have her hearing aides in. In fact, she probably wasn't hearing the bulk of child conversation as high pitches were totally out of her range. But now she is. Every morning I pop in her pink hearing aides and she's off.

September 2/4: Baby denial

I think Jason and I have been in baby denial because suddenly we are coming out with the phrases, "I can't believe we have to do this again in two months." and "Do you realize that when this kid is River's age, River will be almost 14 years old?" Unlike previous pregnancies, I can't deny this feeling of dread. Dread for lost sleep. Dread for the pain of labor and recovery. Dread for the upheaval of our lives to adjust to another person. We know VERY well how hard it is to bring a newborn into the world and have a newborn in our lives.

September 1/4: She did it!

There are always those moments as parents when we reach some goal of having successfully taught our children one of those "life skills". Potty traning is a huge one. Tying shoes, rather simple. Learning to swim and ride a two wheel bike are some others. I used to feel overwhelmed at how much I had to teach these kids. Luckily, once-upon-a-time, I had an awsome neighbor with older children who helped and showed me the basics of how to teach a kid to swim. By the time I've had to do all those early childhood "firsts" with Sage, I feel pretty confident in my abilities.

August 4/4: Four years ago...

It's hard to believe that four years ago, I gave birth to a daughter. I can remember those first days somewhat. The fatigue, the small newborn body, the simple slow unwinding of summer days into fall and adjusting my life to two children. It has the lingering feel of a fever dream. Did I really do ALL that?

August 3/4: One of those days

Most days I love what I do and exist in a near constant state of graditute and savoring even the tedious little moments.

Then I have one of THOSE days.

THOSE days are always when I feel tired or sick. So, I guess I should pause right here and send out blessings for my consistently good health.

Thanks, health.

August 2/4: Where to find peace

A major task in this life is trying to attain peace in the midst of movement, change and challenges. I was stuck in the car for more time than usual in stand-still traffic feeling those stress levels rise. I didn't want to be there. My right leg was hurting. It was uncomfortable sitting there with my pregnant belly. But-- my kids are pretty amazing on long car rides. But--we finally made it to our destination. But--it was worth it in the end.

August 1/4: Bullets

  • Cool Days are deceptive. It feels like September is around the corner yet August has only just begun. I grew up with school starting in September and, almost immediantly, crisp, chill fall weather. In Maryland the schools start in August. The kids wear shorts, t-shirts and sandals to their first days. There are new clothes folded in drawers, new bookbags packed with new school supplies and new sneakers coming in the mail. There is a postcard from the first grade teachers on the refrigerator door.

July 4/4: Joy in droplets

As Jason's perpetual battle with depression crops up again, I find myselff very thankful for my ability to be happy. That seems like a shit thing to say. Glad I'm not the one who has to try different meds and struggle through the day. Glad it isn't me. I've written about the struggles of being married to a person who has chronic depression. However much it sometimes suck for me, it always sucks more for him. So all the obvious bits aside, I'm glad I can be the one who can act as the backbone of the family. Maybe he doesn't need me to.

July ¾: I refuse to call this nesting

I have serious hate for the term “nesting”. Nesting is a bird comparison. A creature industriously building a nest to house eggs and baby birds. What I am feeling is not an urge to make my home nice for a newborn who doesn’t care if it spends its nights in a cardboard box. My itch is to get this place in order before my life changes. I don’t think nesting really explains this drive.

July 2/4: Why I make my kids work

This summer I set up a chore chart for the children. I knew we would have a lot of free time on our hands, but this isn’t only a time filler. I spend many hours every week picking up after the family and cleaning. I can’t say I am neurotically organized. I live in a condo with three other people and four cats. Everything looks cluttered, but I do work to keep the home clean.

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