October 3/4: Second attempt

I did have this awesome blog post I already wrote on Wednesday. It was about fumbling through unexpected things and keeping faith. Then the power went out and my work was entirely lost. Aptly lost. It kept with the theme. Now I find myself uninspired to try to rehash the ease of that last post. Obviously, not cursing when the rug is pulled out from under one's feet is a good thing. Accpeting is even better. Moving on now.

Here are some of my current blessings:

October 2/4: Good Enough

One of the hardest things for me to overcome is a pervasive sense that I need to get things done. That my value is defined by my ability to control my life. It's something that motherhood has really helped me with as well as the kind modeling of some of my favorite fellow mothers. These women are awesome and flawed, but not ashamed to admit it. 

October 1/4: Honey festival and birth plans

We went to our local honey fesitval. It's low key but a lovely little gathering. The weather was an ideal fall day. A bit crispy and breezy, but still comfortable. River really enjoyed the blacksmithing tent and begged us to buy him a iron hook. So we ended up getting two hooks for the kids that I'd eventually like to use to hang up their jackets in the hall. Right now though, they just want to carry them around for play. My favorite was the small  civil war section where we learned about that era of hats and weapondry.

September 4/4: Welcome to the plague (first wave)

When your child gets sick, life enters a type of purgatory. One of therometers, bottles of sweet motrin in fruit-tastic flavors, pushing fluids with threats of lost cartoons, sleep interrupted by coughing, piles of snotty tissues overflowing wastebaskets and onto the floor, and windows that begin to look like prison bars trapping us all inside. The days of sickness seem to stretch. Was it really only three days? It felt like three hundred. I hate that my children are sick, but if they climb into my bed one more time, I may have to drag them out kicking and screaming.

September 3/4: Hearing different

Nothing slows this kid down. She's the child that has a fever and still runs around and won't stop talking. It doesn't really matter that she hears half as well as a fully hearing person. Not now that she has hearing aides. She misses a lot if she doesn't have her hearing aides in. In fact, she probably wasn't hearing the bulk of child conversation as high pitches were totally out of her range. But now she is. Every morning I pop in her pink hearing aides and she's off.

September 2/4: Baby denial

I think Jason and I have been in baby denial because suddenly we are coming out with the phrases, "I can't believe we have to do this again in two months." and "Do you realize that when this kid is River's age, River will be almost 14 years old?" Unlike previous pregnancies, I can't deny this feeling of dread. Dread for lost sleep. Dread for the pain of labor and recovery. Dread for the upheaval of our lives to adjust to another person. We know VERY well how hard it is to bring a newborn into the world and have a newborn in our lives.

September 1/4: She did it!

There are always those moments as parents when we reach some goal of having successfully taught our children one of those "life skills". Potty traning is a huge one. Tying shoes, rather simple. Learning to swim and ride a two wheel bike are some others. I used to feel overwhelmed at how much I had to teach these kids. Luckily, once-upon-a-time, I had an awsome neighbor with older children who helped and showed me the basics of how to teach a kid to swim. By the time I've had to do all those early childhood "firsts" with Sage, I feel pretty confident in my abilities.

August 4/4: Four years ago...

It's hard to believe that four years ago, I gave birth to a daughter. I can remember those first days somewhat. The fatigue, the small newborn body, the simple slow unwinding of summer days into fall and adjusting my life to two children. It has the lingering feel of a fever dream. Did I really do ALL that?

August 3/4: One of those days

Most days I love what I do and exist in a near constant state of graditute and savoring even the tedious little moments.

Then I have one of THOSE days.

THOSE days are always when I feel tired or sick. So, I guess I should pause right here and send out blessings for my consistently good health.

Thanks, health.

August 2/4: Where to find peace

A major task in this life is trying to attain peace in the midst of movement, change and challenges. I was stuck in the car for more time than usual in stand-still traffic feeling those stress levels rise. I didn't want to be there. My right leg was hurting. It was uncomfortable sitting there with my pregnant belly. But-- my kids are pretty amazing on long car rides. But--we finally made it to our destination. But--it was worth it in the end.


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