River is now is size 1 diapers, up from N (newborn). When we were in the
hospital I held his little pinkie finger up and saw that the entire digit was as
long as the tip of my pinkie finger up to the joint. That is no longer the case.
Some of his newborn clothing just fits and is already short in the sleeve. This
week I've heard him laugh. Not at me and probably not at anything, but a
distinctive chuckle that just happened to come when Adam Sandler was talking
naughty to a group of hot girls.
December 2007 Archives
River is now is size 1 diapers, up from N (newborn). When we were in the
hospital I held his little pinkie finger up and saw that the entire digit was as
long as the tip of my pinkie finger up to the joint. That is no longer the case.
Some of his newborn clothing just fits and is already short in the sleeve. This
week I've heard him laugh. Not at me and probably not at anything, but a
distinctive chuckle that just happened to come when Adam Sandler was talking
naughty to a group of hot girls.
Having a newborn is the hardest thing I have ever done. Harder than pregnancy.
Harder than pushing him out.I would say that 90% of the time I'm happy with it.
That I adore my son, smother him with kisses, and don't mind the challenges.
Today we gave him his first bath after his first naked time. He looked so cold
naked on the towels that when he fussed I stripped off my shirt and put his
naked body against my naked chest and wrapped us in towels. It was the first
time holding him skin to skin like that since he was born. During his bath he
was all wide eyes.
But the other 10% that probably no one wants to talk about. That's rough. That was his second night home when he cried for hours and hours until I wanted to throw him across the room and was so overcome with guilt that I sobbed hysterically while kissing him all over. Or two nights in a row of having a baby that thinks the early hours of the morning are a good time to be wide awake when Mama feels so tired she considers leaving the baby in a box in a gas station convienance store to seem like a very sweet idea. Or why, oh why is he becomming a nursing dumbo all of a sudden? Half the time refusing to open his mouth wide enough, worming his lower arm up to his face, refusing the stay latched on and pulling the nipple up, around...you name it. Or how about the extreme night time vocals of the past two weeks that barrel directly into my ear waking me every 15 minutes? Or the kicking baby toes directly to my belly button? The extreme neediness of babies? How I can't even eat when I'm hungry, pee when I'm about to piss my pants, take a crap and dress without an audience, do anything of any substance all day because I have primary responsibility for a little helpless person. What about him screaming when I put him in the carseat? Digging snot out of his nose with my nail? The list is very long.
Regaurdless, the thought of loosing him makes me cry like a little bitch into the milk smell of his cheek and assure him how much he is loved,wanted, and he must stay with me forever.
But the other 10% that probably no one wants to talk about. That's rough. That was his second night home when he cried for hours and hours until I wanted to throw him across the room and was so overcome with guilt that I sobbed hysterically while kissing him all over. Or two nights in a row of having a baby that thinks the early hours of the morning are a good time to be wide awake when Mama feels so tired she considers leaving the baby in a box in a gas station convienance store to seem like a very sweet idea. Or why, oh why is he becomming a nursing dumbo all of a sudden? Half the time refusing to open his mouth wide enough, worming his lower arm up to his face, refusing the stay latched on and pulling the nipple up, around...you name it. Or how about the extreme night time vocals of the past two weeks that barrel directly into my ear waking me every 15 minutes? Or the kicking baby toes directly to my belly button? The extreme neediness of babies? How I can't even eat when I'm hungry, pee when I'm about to piss my pants, take a crap and dress without an audience, do anything of any substance all day because I have primary responsibility for a little helpless person. What about him screaming when I put him in the carseat? Digging snot out of his nose with my nail? The list is very long.
Regaurdless, the thought of loosing him makes me cry like a little bitch into the milk smell of his cheek and assure him how much he is loved,wanted, and he must stay with me forever.
River is much more alert now and a major cling-on. The amount of time he can
peacefully amuse himself has broken down into 5 minute spans. He also does the
majority of his sleeping when I sleep (at night). My days are spent juggling a
very curious baby while trying to get things done. Most days the apartment is a
cluttered mess. Yesterday Jason worked from home and I (shocked) got to read a
whole two chapters in a book. I felt productive.
We brought River for his 2 week check up. The pediatrician was very pleased. River has gained back all his birth weight and then some. He now weighs 8lbs 9onces! Some babies take 4 weeks to gain back their birth weight. Not my son. He's like a weed. A curious, needy weed that demands my boobs every 2 hours and occasionaly treats me like his bitch by pulling my hair or punching me in the face. I have taken to calling him "Pain in the ass". River also got his umbilical cord removed and his belly button cleaned out. I didn't want to yank out his stubbornly clinging cord stub, but the pediatrcian kindly did so. Next week= his first real bath.
Last night I got to sleep alone for about 1/2 the night. He slept out in the living room with Jason while I slept (ON MY STOMACH!) in the bedroom. Then I fed him, changed him, and put him to sleep in the co-sleeper. After the next round of feeding and changing he had enough of sleeping alone. Right at the point when I got a chance to snuggle up to Jason. WAH! So into the bed went baby. But he wasn't content being on the side that still allowed Daddy to spoon Mama. He had to be between us just to assert his dominion over my body. Oh, and he had to pointlessly demand my tit for a whole 2 half ass suckles just to say "These boobies are mine now pop!" I think he is the biggest cock-blocker known to man.
The dr told me that River may be draining my breasts in 10-15 minutes now instead of the 20-30 he was doing.
Jason proudly said, "That's my boy!"
We brought River for his 2 week check up. The pediatrician was very pleased. River has gained back all his birth weight and then some. He now weighs 8lbs 9onces! Some babies take 4 weeks to gain back their birth weight. Not my son. He's like a weed. A curious, needy weed that demands my boobs every 2 hours and occasionaly treats me like his bitch by pulling my hair or punching me in the face. I have taken to calling him "Pain in the ass". River also got his umbilical cord removed and his belly button cleaned out. I didn't want to yank out his stubbornly clinging cord stub, but the pediatrcian kindly did so. Next week= his first real bath.
Last night I got to sleep alone for about 1/2 the night. He slept out in the living room with Jason while I slept (ON MY STOMACH!) in the bedroom. Then I fed him, changed him, and put him to sleep in the co-sleeper. After the next round of feeding and changing he had enough of sleeping alone. Right at the point when I got a chance to snuggle up to Jason. WAH! So into the bed went baby. But he wasn't content being on the side that still allowed Daddy to spoon Mama. He had to be between us just to assert his dominion over my body. Oh, and he had to pointlessly demand my tit for a whole 2 half ass suckles just to say "These boobies are mine now pop!" I think he is the biggest cock-blocker known to man.
The dr told me that River may be draining my breasts in 10-15 minutes now instead of the 20-30 he was doing.
Jason proudly said, "That's my boy!"
This baby is totally, wonderfully spoiled. He got tons of gifts and was a great
little traveler. So much so that I have revised the fond pet name his Papa and I
call him. River is now "Traveling Jack Cracker". We call River "Cracker Jack"
because he is a little white baby. Sometimes Jason will say "Give me my white
baby". Currently, I'm feeling very cheerful because I'm just getting better at this mommy thing I'm doing. River has grown over a pound in less than two weeks. Things that didn't fit him now do. We also understand one another better. We've gotten out of the house together and I've escaped on my own. I'm almost all healed up and the weight is falling off me. I lost 11 more pounds in two weeks when doing pretty much nothing. I have high hopes that I will get my body back by this spring, expecially once I begin exercising again. So in total I am 21lbs lighter than I was the last day of my pregnancy. Not bad. I need to loose about 20 more to get to my pre-pregnancy weight.
My favorite time with River is when we sleep together at night and I feel his
little feet jabbing me in the belly and wake up to his little grunts and sqweaks
with a damp boob from him rooting and sucking my T-shirt in his sleep. I wake up
because my boobs ache with milk and I gently lift him. He comes awake and
peacefully looks around while I change him. Then we sit together in my nursing
chair and I watch his face as he eats. I don't know if all newborns are so vocal, but River is very very noisy and this is relitively new. He makes noises like a car peeling out when he eats, he grunts, he sqweaks, sometimes he whines and whimpers in his sleep, and he even can should like a kitten!
When he is very hungry he pants and waves his arms around. His eyes get very wide and he'll sometimes wildly move his mouth back and forth over my nipple before latching on. Sometimes he's silly and will suck on his hand instead of my nipple! Sometimes I look at him sleeping and my boobs tingle and leak milk. It's so odd.
Lately I think I have overactive letdown where my breasts basically flood my son with milk. He'll cough and milk will drool out of his mouth and spill out of my boob down my chest. Very messy. I didn't know breastmilk stained things yellow, but now I know only two well. I make frantic grabs for my nursing pads or a burp cloth to press to my chest and stop the flow.
Yesterday we went grocery shopping. He slept the whole time in the Baby Bjorn and it was like sweet freedom to get out of the house. Then we briefly stopped by the LAN. Oooo and rented a movie, "Superbad", which was great. Getting out of the house cheered me up immensely. I get weepy being cooped up for days and thinking about how I can't get away and do anything!
Today I nursed River and put him in bed with Jason and went to the mall to do X-mas shopping since Jason and I don't think it is wise to have River is such a crowded place when he is so young and vunerable to germs. Yesterday I was crying thinking I couldn't go X-mas shopping at all because I am River's giant boob: can't take him with and can't leave him alone. But I did it. I stayed away less than an hour, he slept the whole time, and I got away from the baby. I needed that. Errands that will take a longer time, Jason will do until I introduce a bottle in about a month when I started pumping.
I love my little man so much! He already has grown so much!
River is already bigger. Little socks that fell off his newborn feet, now stay
on. His face is fuller so that when his head is tilted his chubby cheek is
pulled down by gravity. He wiggles and grunts when I enter bed to lay with him
because he's learned who is the giant boob of the family. The blueish film in
his eyes is gone and they are a dark brown.
It seems like forever ago and also just like yesterday that I was so weak and sore I needed help out of the hospital bed and could barely walk across the room. I had to hold my boob and work to get River latched on. Now he just pops on and off like an old pro.
Before I know it I'll be finding his dirty mag collection hidden under his mattress!
The other day River was rooting and Jason was tickling River's cheeks with the tip of his nose. So what did River do? He found that nose and latched right on. It was hilarious.
It seems like forever ago and also just like yesterday that I was so weak and sore I needed help out of the hospital bed and could barely walk across the room. I had to hold my boob and work to get River latched on. Now he just pops on and off like an old pro.
Before I know it I'll be finding his dirty mag collection hidden under his mattress!
The other day River was rooting and Jason was tickling River's cheeks with the tip of his nose. So what did River do? He found that nose and latched right on. It was hilarious.
So Herman and friends are finally is full retreat due to brutal punishment by
Perperation H and carefull tending. The thing is, I am now horribly horribly
constipated. Which, for me, isn't a first.
I distinctly remember my nursery school graduation party when I was so pluged up that I was screaming and crying in the bathroom with my mother instead of playing on the slip and slide. This was caused by a diet consisting soley of cheese and peanut butter.
This is caused by my iron suppliments in a post pregnant body and a bigger need for water intake to produce breastmilk. Basically, it's just horrible. Not only does it hurt my stitches to poo, but my muscles are all worn out down there. Last night I tried Milk of Magnessia. Didn't work. So today I went in search of the one stool softener I can take while breastfeeding and had a nice convo with a pharamasist about my stool and bowl movements. He assured me that by taking a pill now with plently of water and one before bed that I should see results tomorrow morning. I am now on my 6th glass of water and feeling like I could pee enough to create a monsoon in my pants.
I'd love poo that wasn't rock hard and black as sin. All I want for X-mas is some easy poop. At this point I am jelous of my son's ease of bowel movements. Oh, and the cool orange yellow color. It almost perfectly matches the wall color of my living room. His poo doesn't stink, while mine smells like alumminum foil. That's the iron for you. I have forge farts.
If poop wasn't so silly to me, I might cry out of sheer fustration.
Also my stitches are on the mend and when they don't sting/throb they ITCH!
I distinctly remember my nursery school graduation party when I was so pluged up that I was screaming and crying in the bathroom with my mother instead of playing on the slip and slide. This was caused by a diet consisting soley of cheese and peanut butter.
This is caused by my iron suppliments in a post pregnant body and a bigger need for water intake to produce breastmilk. Basically, it's just horrible. Not only does it hurt my stitches to poo, but my muscles are all worn out down there. Last night I tried Milk of Magnessia. Didn't work. So today I went in search of the one stool softener I can take while breastfeeding and had a nice convo with a pharamasist about my stool and bowl movements. He assured me that by taking a pill now with plently of water and one before bed that I should see results tomorrow morning. I am now on my 6th glass of water and feeling like I could pee enough to create a monsoon in my pants.
I'd love poo that wasn't rock hard and black as sin. All I want for X-mas is some easy poop. At this point I am jelous of my son's ease of bowel movements. Oh, and the cool orange yellow color. It almost perfectly matches the wall color of my living room. His poo doesn't stink, while mine smells like alumminum foil. That's the iron for you. I have forge farts.
If poop wasn't so silly to me, I might cry out of sheer fustration.
Also my stitches are on the mend and when they don't sting/throb they ITCH!
Today I finally washed River's hair with the help of my mom. It was super greasy
on top from everyone stroking it! I was putting it off hoping Jason would help
and dreading that River would wail the entire time. River didn't cry at all. He
looked confused, but he didn't cry. It was quick and easy.But then as I dry his hair I see something happening: CURLS! He has a wave to his hair that will probably turn into loose curls. I was waiting for the curls. Jason, well he certaintly has curls and I had curls as a baby and still have a wave to my hair. My hair will curl if it is short. So there we have it, a reddish curly haired boy. I told him if he keeps this up he can become the real Ronald McDonald.
These are some things that surprise me about being postpartum:
1. I can't wait to have sex again (Jan 23rd!)
2. How quickly the belly shrinks
3. How much I still weigh!
4. Instantanous vanishing of all water retention
5. How sore and swollen my crotch would be
6. How amazing the hospital staff was down to the dude that delivered my trays
7. How natural breastfeeding is, like you know what to do without ever having done it before
8. The benign nature of my son's waste to me
9. Comming wide awake at my son's cries
10. How many baths I would take (I never take baths!)
11. How my appitite has shrunk immenesely
12. I no longer crave sweets, at all
13. How I do not mind, at all, exposing my breast in public
14. How I don't mind being away from River
15. but I dread taking him out into the cold
We slept wonderfully last night. He slept with me. I got up only three times for diaper changes and feedings. Each time I got up he never woke me crying, but very cutely making noises and rooting against my breast. He was so happy getting up after sleeping by me. Didn't even cry for his diaper change this morning. He just looked around peacefully.
I suspect he is going to be a handful. Sometimes he peeks up at me while nursing and I can just see that glint of mischief in his eye: just like his father. I know they are going to team up on me and give me a hard time. The brats.
My mom arrived yesterday and pulled out a photo. My first though was it was River, but the woman's thigh in the photo was way way too dark to be my thigh. I realized it was me as a newborn! MY SON LOOKS JUST LIKE ME! Hopefully, I'd look mad hot as a dude or as he grows more of his father's features come out!
1. I can't wait to have sex again (Jan 23rd!)
2. How quickly the belly shrinks
3. How much I still weigh!
4. Instantanous vanishing of all water retention
5. How sore and swollen my crotch would be
6. How amazing the hospital staff was down to the dude that delivered my trays
7. How natural breastfeeding is, like you know what to do without ever having done it before
8. The benign nature of my son's waste to me
9. Comming wide awake at my son's cries
10. How many baths I would take (I never take baths!)
11. How my appitite has shrunk immenesely
12. I no longer crave sweets, at all
13. How I do not mind, at all, exposing my breast in public
14. How I don't mind being away from River
15. but I dread taking him out into the cold
We slept wonderfully last night. He slept with me. I got up only three times for diaper changes and feedings. Each time I got up he never woke me crying, but very cutely making noises and rooting against my breast. He was so happy getting up after sleeping by me. Didn't even cry for his diaper change this morning. He just looked around peacefully.
I suspect he is going to be a handful. Sometimes he peeks up at me while nursing and I can just see that glint of mischief in his eye: just like his father. I know they are going to team up on me and give me a hard time. The brats.
My mom arrived yesterday and pulled out a photo. My first though was it was River, but the woman's thigh in the photo was way way too dark to be my thigh. I realized it was me as a newborn! MY SON LOOKS JUST LIKE ME! Hopefully, I'd look mad hot as a dude or as he grows more of his father's features come out!
I realize my entries are going to be all about the baby for awhile! That's all
my life is about right now. There is my explanation. Be prepared to hear all
about my son, poop, and be attacked with photos.
Last night our heat stopped working! It was already around midnight and the vents were pumping out cold air. Jason had to go to the LAN to get an electric space heater and we cuddled up in the bedroom. After some research on family beds, I was more than happy for any excuse to share the bed with River. By doing so we got loads of sleep. I got up twice for diaper changes and nursing. That's it! It was great. Also River was awake and alert for about 40 minutes this morning. That was totally new. I'm hoping he'll be more awake during the day and less awake at night. The cold got me totally peed on all night. I just let the pee stream take me in the leg. Oh well. I had to change him on the floor and it wrecked havoc to our system. At one point I cleaned him up, he peed all over, cleaned him up, he peed again, cleaned him up, and he let out a final stream of urine. He wasn't pleased.
Now the heat is fixed and all is well in that regaurd. I'm waiting for my mother to get here. Jason has already called serveral times: worried if we were warm enough and missing his little man. I miss him being around too. It's hard to relax with the baby. I find myself unable to read and instead I just stare at him.
Last night our heat stopped working! It was already around midnight and the vents were pumping out cold air. Jason had to go to the LAN to get an electric space heater and we cuddled up in the bedroom. After some research on family beds, I was more than happy for any excuse to share the bed with River. By doing so we got loads of sleep. I got up twice for diaper changes and nursing. That's it! It was great. Also River was awake and alert for about 40 minutes this morning. That was totally new. I'm hoping he'll be more awake during the day and less awake at night. The cold got me totally peed on all night. I just let the pee stream take me in the leg. Oh well. I had to change him on the floor and it wrecked havoc to our system. At one point I cleaned him up, he peed all over, cleaned him up, he peed again, cleaned him up, and he let out a final stream of urine. He wasn't pleased.
Now the heat is fixed and all is well in that regaurd. I'm waiting for my mother to get here. Jason has already called serveral times: worried if we were warm enough and missing his little man. I miss him being around too. It's hard to relax with the baby. I find myself unable to read and instead I just stare at him.
give up. My son sleeps best in bed with us. For my sanity and need for rest the
baby is sleeping in bed with us. Some nights I can get him to settle in the
bassinet, but not last night. Last night as soon as he lay down with me he
settled. I drew him very close and breathed slowly in and out. This was after 2
instances of getting him asleep and then putting him in the co-sleeper. After 30
minutes he'd be up again, just as I had fallen asleep! His fussy behavior was
more mild last night and started hours earlier. Is it too much to hope he's
adjusting to a better day/night sechduale?
It's so odd because he sleeps during the day alone in the co-sleeper no problem. Honestly, besides getting stiff, I love sleeping with him. (I love sleeping (period) ).
These are my rough mommy notes, some written with my left hand to try to figure my kid out.
10:30- sleeping
12:30- up/diaper clean/nurse/poop/goes to sleep/right back up
1:30- asleep again
1:55- fussy/diasper check clean/nurse/poop and pee/nurse
2:35- asleep
3:00- awake/asleep in bed with mom
5:50- up/1 wet diaper/1 pee stream/nurse until 6:11/poop/nurse until 6:45/little poop
9:56- he's still sleeping with Papa
I am not a supporter of trying to adjust my son's needs to suit my own. Most books I've read say to feed baby on demand. Some peditrian advised Ginny to do this and her son screamed because he wanted to feed longer and sleep longer. She cried and cried. Now she went back to what Josh wants. River will figure it out eventually...i hope!
All I know is my boobs really want my son to wake up right about now. Very very full here!
It's so odd because he sleeps during the day alone in the co-sleeper no problem. Honestly, besides getting stiff, I love sleeping with him. (I love sleeping (period) ).
These are my rough mommy notes, some written with my left hand to try to figure my kid out.
10:30- sleeping
12:30- up/diaper clean/nurse/poop/goes to sleep/right back up
1:30- asleep again
1:55- fussy/diasper check clean/nurse/poop and pee/nurse
2:35- asleep
3:00- awake/asleep in bed with mom
5:50- up/1 wet diaper/1 pee stream/nurse until 6:11/poop/nurse until 6:45/little poop
9:56- he's still sleeping with Papa
I am not a supporter of trying to adjust my son's needs to suit my own. Most books I've read say to feed baby on demand. Some peditrian advised Ginny to do this and her son screamed because he wanted to feed longer and sleep longer. She cried and cried. Now she went back to what Josh wants. River will figure it out eventually...i hope!
All I know is my boobs really want my son to wake up right about now. Very very full here!
The Saga of my
A-hole
At this point my largest complaint is the status of my bum. I have hemmoriods inside and out. I also have a very swollen parinium. I am back to sitting on the dougnut because my monster turds have driven my butthole into an insane fit of rage.
I am so miserable I almost cried because my bum hurts so bad. THIS is what NO ONE stresses is a horrible side effect of squeezing a person out your nether parts. I want you all to know how much this KILLS.
That being said, tomorrow Jason returns to work :( and my mother comes up to help me out. Looks like I will be solo in the morning living in baby time.
At this point my largest complaint is the status of my bum. I have hemmoriods inside and out. I also have a very swollen parinium. I am back to sitting on the dougnut because my monster turds have driven my butthole into an insane fit of rage.
I am so miserable I almost cried because my bum hurts so bad. THIS is what NO ONE stresses is a horrible side effect of squeezing a person out your nether parts. I want you all to know how much this KILLS.
That being said, tomorrow Jason returns to work :( and my mother comes up to help me out. Looks like I will be solo in the morning living in baby time.
It's incrediable to think that tomorrow at 6:10 River would have been out of my
body for a week. It's amazing just to think about how this little person was
inside me. When he hiccups I remember that happening in me and feeling each
little movemement.
Jason and I are pretty damn proud of ourselves. Last night the fussing happened as expected, but now we were armed with knowledge that this was very normal and hap a list of tips and hints from Beth, our amazing pediatritian. We just switched on and off. Jason used the bouncy seat (thank you Nikki and Dan) and helped River keep his binky in his mouth. I took over and set him across my legs to bounce him gently while keeping the binky in his mouth. He loves his binky, which I never planned on using but we got the ok from the pediatritian since River is already a very strongly established nurser at the breast. What River does when he is fussy is... well it seems like he fights to stay awake. He'll start to drift, pop back awake, and calmly look around. THe calm is interrupted by "baby meltdowns" when he will violently shake his head from side to side or fling his little arms around. The binky is then dislogded and he cries. So last night my bouncing got him to sleep about 30 minutes and we dozed together in bed. Then he woke again and I gave him to Jason. Jason finally wanted to come to bed himself and while I am sleeping I hear silence puctuated by meltdowns. Something finally brings me fully awake and I say "Give him to me and let's see if he wants the breast" So I nurse him laying down, he falls alseep, and I doze. THen I wake and put him in his bassinet. We get to sleep 3-4 hours and then wake up for a change and nursing. Then back to sleep again for another 3 hours or so.
It may seem small. But it's a fucking miracle.
I even got to nap this morning! I feel great! So great I am cleaning against dr orders, but only a little bit at a time. Leaving the tub scrubbing to the person in the family without stiches on his crotch and has the ability to stand and walk. I think I;m up to it. My swelling is minor compared to what it was. Still sore but not in agony. I am hardly bleeding too. The midwife told me I could bleed up to 6 weeks, but probably for 2. Based on my periods I'd say I'll be done in 3-4 days! I haven't had cramps since two days ago either. I may have had Hiroshima in my Pants, but the reconstruction is very quick!
Also, the sagging belly flesh is shrinking daily. I'm thinking I'm back at Yoga in a week, but maybe I'll give myself another off.
I'm trying to be a good mom. Using the net to look up things I don't know like how often to wash a newborn. I read once a week. So tomorrow Jason and I takle our first time washing River's hair and giving him a sponge bath! (oh boy!) I'm also getting used to getting peed on. Last night he sprayed my fist holding his leg and I just thought it was warm air until Jason said something. I learned to just let him pee on me to around pee going all over! Yesterday I dodged a pee stream at the dr's office. Today I'm focusing on getting River some belly time so he doesn't have a flat head and can streangth those neck and back muscles. I had no idea it was good to do this until I read it in my "Baby's First Year" Book. Great source for the new mom.
My goal is to improve my diaper changing skills. Jason is better at it while I am a baby dressing pro. It's hard to change the little man because of his circumsition. We can't let his legs kick his penis, so we often tag team changings.
baby up!
Jason and I are pretty damn proud of ourselves. Last night the fussing happened as expected, but now we were armed with knowledge that this was very normal and hap a list of tips and hints from Beth, our amazing pediatritian. We just switched on and off. Jason used the bouncy seat (thank you Nikki and Dan) and helped River keep his binky in his mouth. I took over and set him across my legs to bounce him gently while keeping the binky in his mouth. He loves his binky, which I never planned on using but we got the ok from the pediatritian since River is already a very strongly established nurser at the breast. What River does when he is fussy is... well it seems like he fights to stay awake. He'll start to drift, pop back awake, and calmly look around. THe calm is interrupted by "baby meltdowns" when he will violently shake his head from side to side or fling his little arms around. The binky is then dislogded and he cries. So last night my bouncing got him to sleep about 30 minutes and we dozed together in bed. Then he woke again and I gave him to Jason. Jason finally wanted to come to bed himself and while I am sleeping I hear silence puctuated by meltdowns. Something finally brings me fully awake and I say "Give him to me and let's see if he wants the breast" So I nurse him laying down, he falls alseep, and I doze. THen I wake and put him in his bassinet. We get to sleep 3-4 hours and then wake up for a change and nursing. Then back to sleep again for another 3 hours or so.
It may seem small. But it's a fucking miracle.
I even got to nap this morning! I feel great! So great I am cleaning against dr orders, but only a little bit at a time. Leaving the tub scrubbing to the person in the family without stiches on his crotch and has the ability to stand and walk. I think I;m up to it. My swelling is minor compared to what it was. Still sore but not in agony. I am hardly bleeding too. The midwife told me I could bleed up to 6 weeks, but probably for 2. Based on my periods I'd say I'll be done in 3-4 days! I haven't had cramps since two days ago either. I may have had Hiroshima in my Pants, but the reconstruction is very quick!
Also, the sagging belly flesh is shrinking daily. I'm thinking I'm back at Yoga in a week, but maybe I'll give myself another off.
I'm trying to be a good mom. Using the net to look up things I don't know like how often to wash a newborn. I read once a week. So tomorrow Jason and I takle our first time washing River's hair and giving him a sponge bath! (oh boy!) I'm also getting used to getting peed on. Last night he sprayed my fist holding his leg and I just thought it was warm air until Jason said something. I learned to just let him pee on me to around pee going all over! Yesterday I dodged a pee stream at the dr's office. Today I'm focusing on getting River some belly time so he doesn't have a flat head and can streangth those neck and back muscles. I had no idea it was good to do this until I read it in my "Baby's First Year" Book. Great source for the new mom.
My goal is to improve my diaper changing skills. Jason is better at it while I am a baby dressing pro. It's hard to change the little man because of his circumsition. We can't let his legs kick his penis, so we often tag team changings.
baby up!
Our second dr visit was today and River is fine. No Jaundice. Well, slight
jaundice but not a thing needs to be done about it. It is caused by a bump on
his head where blood leaked under the skin from the pressure of birth. I'd tell
you what it's called, but I can't spell it AND I'm lazy. His liver is immature
and can't help much with the reabsorbtion of the blood so it gets in his skin.
Thus the slightly elevated billi levels.
He's gaining weight thanks to my miracously early appearing milk which gave me only one night of discomfort because my boy is such a good nurser. Today in the bath I leaked for the first time. Whoa..milk came out of my boobs!
I feel so much less sore and so much more tired. River was having meltdowns all last night from 10-3 and at one point I reached my fustration level and just had my own meltdown. The dr said this was 100% normal and showed us some things to try with him. Just the fact that it is normal made me feel better. It kills to hear your child cry no stop for hours and hours.
River also cries during most diaper changes. This cry sounds like he is saying "Allah. Allah. Allah" So now I just tell him "Yes cry for your God"
He's gaining weight thanks to my miracously early appearing milk which gave me only one night of discomfort because my boy is such a good nurser. Today in the bath I leaked for the first time. Whoa..milk came out of my boobs!
I feel so much less sore and so much more tired. River was having meltdowns all last night from 10-3 and at one point I reached my fustration level and just had my own meltdown. The dr said this was 100% normal and showed us some things to try with him. Just the fact that it is normal made me feel better. It kills to hear your child cry no stop for hours and hours.
River also cries during most diaper changes. This cry sounds like he is saying "Allah. Allah. Allah" So now I just tell him "Yes cry for your God"
I am thankful for any sleep I can snag and honestly River is a darling and
sleeps for 3-4 hours stretches in the early morning and off and on all day. He
is only fussy from around 9/10PM-12/1 in the morning. And I mean fussy. It's the
third day in a row. Last night we thought it was gas. He finally pooed, and
pooed...and pooed...and then pooed again. Maybe it was the refried beans I
ate?
But I am sensing a pattern and maybe he has colic? Oh how he goes on. He franticly opens his mouth for my nipple, sucks hard, tries to settle, pops off, goes at it again. It isn't that he can't latch on, because he will and sometimes even start to doze. Then he's off again and crying horribly. After hours and hours, I woke Jason (who probably never actually got to sleep) and had him just try to lay with River. I had gotten him asleep on my chest twice. The first time I tried to set him down he woke 5 minutes later. The second time I got him asleep I tried to lay with him, but he woke and started wailing. Jason is much better at soothing him. He just makes these strange hissing, shush noises and he finally got River to sleep with him. After that he was my good baby again gently fussing to be fed, feeding gently, falling asleep at the breast, and letting me put him in the co-sleeper. Momma finally got some much needed rest.
He depises being changed and/or dressed. It's mostly because of his circumsition which must be dripped with warm water to clean and covered in cream. It takes two of us because I must hold his frantically kicking legs so they don't hit his penis. He likes when we get rid of his poo diapers though. Last night he had a mega 1 and 2 in his pants. We were just about done and he pooed and pee on us. He was not pleased at the extended diapering time and was wailing and flailing around. Babies are way stronger than you would think. Jason is so cute. He frantically tries to calm River by giving him the binky (which we only use for changings and dressings to calm him). I am just "Forget about the binky just hurry up!" River keeps spitting it out anyway. The sooner we get through it the sooner his torture is done. The sound of River in distress sends Jason in over protective mode. His eyes open wide and he is all about giving comfort. It turns out I am a very calm mother. I don't freak, cry, worry, or have super baby clingy syndrome. If River cries I remain calm and try what I think will help. Jason looks like someone is torturing him. He's a wonderful father! I'm fine with letting Jason take River so I can have some me time. Please do!
Babette loves the baby, btw. She will lay by him and sniff him. When he cries she worries so much. The other cats ignore him.
Oh, and I love breastfeeding! How could a mother not do this with her child? It is the most wonderful feeling ever to be able to give so much comfort with my body and to be needed in such a simple way. I just stare down at him there curled around me and boil with love. Plus he helps me out by taking the pressure right out of my swollen boobs! Thanks son!
Ok, back hurts and bottom hurts. Time to move around!
But I am sensing a pattern and maybe he has colic? Oh how he goes on. He franticly opens his mouth for my nipple, sucks hard, tries to settle, pops off, goes at it again. It isn't that he can't latch on, because he will and sometimes even start to doze. Then he's off again and crying horribly. After hours and hours, I woke Jason (who probably never actually got to sleep) and had him just try to lay with River. I had gotten him asleep on my chest twice. The first time I tried to set him down he woke 5 minutes later. The second time I got him asleep I tried to lay with him, but he woke and started wailing. Jason is much better at soothing him. He just makes these strange hissing, shush noises and he finally got River to sleep with him. After that he was my good baby again gently fussing to be fed, feeding gently, falling asleep at the breast, and letting me put him in the co-sleeper. Momma finally got some much needed rest.
He depises being changed and/or dressed. It's mostly because of his circumsition which must be dripped with warm water to clean and covered in cream. It takes two of us because I must hold his frantically kicking legs so they don't hit his penis. He likes when we get rid of his poo diapers though. Last night he had a mega 1 and 2 in his pants. We were just about done and he pooed and pee on us. He was not pleased at the extended diapering time and was wailing and flailing around. Babies are way stronger than you would think. Jason is so cute. He frantically tries to calm River by giving him the binky (which we only use for changings and dressings to calm him). I am just "Forget about the binky just hurry up!" River keeps spitting it out anyway. The sooner we get through it the sooner his torture is done. The sound of River in distress sends Jason in over protective mode. His eyes open wide and he is all about giving comfort. It turns out I am a very calm mother. I don't freak, cry, worry, or have super baby clingy syndrome. If River cries I remain calm and try what I think will help. Jason looks like someone is torturing him. He's a wonderful father! I'm fine with letting Jason take River so I can have some me time. Please do!
Babette loves the baby, btw. She will lay by him and sniff him. When he cries she worries so much. The other cats ignore him.
Oh, and I love breastfeeding! How could a mother not do this with her child? It is the most wonderful feeling ever to be able to give so much comfort with my body and to be needed in such a simple way. I just stare down at him there curled around me and boil with love. Plus he helps me out by taking the pressure right out of my swollen boobs! Thanks son!
Ok, back hurts and bottom hurts. Time to move around!
Edited October 20, 2009.
I have been meaning to and forgetting to edit this story for nearly two years! Since it was written on lack of sleep, very late at night, when I was in a great deal of pain--the first version was disorganized and overrun with errors. I remember being afraid that time would quickly dull my memories of the moment and indeed it did.
I will attempt to keep this new version as close to the old version as possible, while making it easier for a wider audience to read and understand. Originally it was meant only for close friends.
River's Birth Story--December 9, 2007
The story starts with me going to bed early and playfully telling Jason not to stay up all night playing World of Warcraft in case I went into labor. I didn't think this would happen. I had no inkling. In fact I was secretly convinced I would go over my due date and then some.
A week earlier a high school friend of mine had delivered her son and three days earlier a local friend of mine, Ginny had also delivered her son, Josh, at the same hospital I was going to have my baby at. Only two days earlier I'd gone to meet him--holding him across my taunt, pregnant belly. I'd been having Brackston Hicks contraction off and on for the last couple of weeks.
Earlier in the day I had held the
advent calendar out to Jason and said to close his eyes and touch somewhere on
it. He touched the 10th. Close, but River had other ideas.
Jason came to bed around 2:00 and around 2:30 I woke with cramps which were in my front and back. I was still unsure if it was the real deal. I fought for sleep, got up for a bit, and went back to bed. The contractions were worse at this point and I would wake up from a light doze for each one. I got up early, ate breakfast, and resisted telling Jason the news as long as possible. I was waiting for that urge to empty my bowls or my bloody show.
Jason came to bed around 2:00 and around 2:30 I woke with cramps which were in my front and back. I was still unsure if it was the real deal. I fought for sleep, got up for a bit, and went back to bed. The contractions were worse at this point and I would wake up from a light doze for each one. I got up early, ate breakfast, and resisted telling Jason the news as long as possible. I was waiting for that urge to empty my bowls or my bloody show.
I would have been happy to poop. More than happy to poop. I was on iron supplements my entire last semester and horribly constipated.
I wanted something to convince me this was happening. My contractions had felt just like this on Friday, but I stopped after a few hours. So I tried to poop but just ended up having my show. I told Jason, "This is
really happening. Let's take care of things at the LAN (the business my husband and I once owned/ran) and do laundry,
NOW"
And that is what we did. I was moving around cleaning at the LAN. At the laundry mat we timed the contractions which were hardly consistent AT ALL. I started to get more uncomfortable there and had to breath through the contractions. I was in the rush to get home at this point and had Jason help me to the car and then go back in and grab our laundry. I remember that the urge to get home was sudden and overpowering. I just knew it was time to be home as soon as possible which was a complete 180 to how I had been earlier in the day.
Back at home I got on my hands and knees for the pain. I was hungry and only wanted pasta with sausage. So Jason cooked as my contractions increased in intensity. I did manage to eat, pausing between each contraction to breath and sometimes getting up to lean over the kitchen counter to take some of the pressure off my back. I tried to limit my serving of food, but instead I pigged out! I ate two entire heaping bowls stopping to breath through my contractions the entire time. In hindsight I was amazingly clear-headed and calm. I must have been listening to my body. It needed those carbs and proteins for the task ahead. I must have know I wouldn't be one of those laboring moms who throw up.
After this I was pretty restless. I got down on all fours in the living room because that felt more comfortable. At one point, I crawled to the bedroom and leaned over pillows. I'd get up to pace, hop of my yoga ball, or lay down in child's pose. Nothing quite relieved the discomfort anymore. It was edging into pain. My mind turned inward focusing on my body and the sensations.
And that is what we did. I was moving around cleaning at the LAN. At the laundry mat we timed the contractions which were hardly consistent AT ALL. I started to get more uncomfortable there and had to breath through the contractions. I was in the rush to get home at this point and had Jason help me to the car and then go back in and grab our laundry. I remember that the urge to get home was sudden and overpowering. I just knew it was time to be home as soon as possible which was a complete 180 to how I had been earlier in the day.
Back at home I got on my hands and knees for the pain. I was hungry and only wanted pasta with sausage. So Jason cooked as my contractions increased in intensity. I did manage to eat, pausing between each contraction to breath and sometimes getting up to lean over the kitchen counter to take some of the pressure off my back. I tried to limit my serving of food, but instead I pigged out! I ate two entire heaping bowls stopping to breath through my contractions the entire time. In hindsight I was amazingly clear-headed and calm. I must have been listening to my body. It needed those carbs and proteins for the task ahead. I must have know I wouldn't be one of those laboring moms who throw up.
After this I was pretty restless. I got down on all fours in the living room because that felt more comfortable. At one point, I crawled to the bedroom and leaned over pillows. I'd get up to pace, hop of my yoga ball, or lay down in child's pose. Nothing quite relieved the discomfort anymore. It was edging into pain. My mind turned inward focusing on my body and the sensations.
I don't know why, in hindsight, we did not take into consideration that time that had passed since my labor started. If we had, we might have packed up and left for the hospital right then. I wasn't worried. I wasn't in a rush. I was still in a bit of shock that this was it and it was happening. Time had begun to loose hold over me. I just was doing, not really thinking as I normally would.
At one point
the contractions rolled one after another and I felt my first tickle of concern. Worried but still sorta
convinced that this wasn't going to happen this soon. We debated calling the
birthing center. I did There was doubt in my voice. "I'm...in labor?"
The nurse on call said I could come in if I wanted, but it would be better just to keep hydrated or try a warm bath for pain. Jason went to run a bath and I yelled "I don't want a bath! Eat your food. Clean up. JASON COME HERE. IT HURTS! IT HURTS! Eat your food. Jason I want a bath now!"
In the bathroom I was on the rug rocking on all fours in the nude as the tub filled. Jason helped me in. The heat really did help and I felt more in control of my contractions. I had 2 or 3 and on the final one I felt a pop like my kooch was a campaign bottle and the cork had just flown across the room. It was a strange sensation. The pop seemed to echo through my body up onto the back on my tongue. It couldn't believe Jason hadn't heard it too. Hadn't felt it shake the walls.
This pop was followed by a gush
of liquid. I shot out of the water convinced I would kill my baby because my
water broke and I was in the tub. Jason was fluttering around like a trapped bird. Wanting to help me
as I demanded he call the birthing center and pack out stuff. NOW RIGHT
NOW.
I gushed fluid all over the floor, squatted over the toilet and had more
bloody show that ran down the outside of the bowl like a string of snot. I yelled for Jason to get me paper towels but not to come in because he might freak out. I
managed to get my underwear on and a pad. I hobbled to the bedroom and between
contractions, I dressed myself very very slowly.
I suspect I was edging into transition even then because everything was foggy. I can only compare it to being high or drunk. It felt like a large chunk of my brain was not working correctly.
Jason was getting things ready, rushing
around and coming back to me at my demands for items and to hear my reminders.
The contractions killed. KILLED. So much so that I couldn't wait for Jason. I climbed down the stairs alone which seemed an act of super human will. I tried to breath
through the pain. I put on my shoes between each contraction.
We got in the car and it was like torture. I don't know why I didn't go in the backseat so I could change positions. As I said, I couldn't think right. The contractions were more intense sitting up and coming about every 2 minutes. On the highway I started moaning, yelling, cursing, pounding the arm rest, howling at the ceiling. That isn't how I thought it would be. I didn't think I'd be a screamer. I thought all my yoga training would allow me to breath through the pain or at least, remain calm. I was perfectly calm between contractions. I could feel them starting and give warning, "Here it goes again!". But while a contraction raged it felt like I was being tortured at this intense, pinnacle of agony. That in those few brief moments of pain, I lost my mind. I went crazy with it. So I yelled.
We got in the car and it was like torture. I don't know why I didn't go in the backseat so I could change positions. As I said, I couldn't think right. The contractions were more intense sitting up and coming about every 2 minutes. On the highway I started moaning, yelling, cursing, pounding the arm rest, howling at the ceiling. That isn't how I thought it would be. I didn't think I'd be a screamer. I thought all my yoga training would allow me to breath through the pain or at least, remain calm. I was perfectly calm between contractions. I could feel them starting and give warning, "Here it goes again!". But while a contraction raged it felt like I was being tortured at this intense, pinnacle of agony. That in those few brief moments of pain, I lost my mind. I went crazy with it. So I yelled.
I tried to relax and Jason said some encouraging things and gave me his hand. There was freezing rain, so
sometimes he couldn't hold my hand. Eventually he gave up and said "Scream
if you have to" and I begged him to talk me through them. If it was okay to scream, I might never stop.
"You can do this. This is
getting us River" and I was nodding and gulping "I know. I know. Okay. I know" We
got stuck behind a plow and at first I cautioned him to go slow, but then I was screaming "PASS THE PLOW. GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL" It was all getting worse so fast.
I was whining and whimpering.
We passed the plow. At one point Jason said "This too shall pass" and I sorta
laughed and snapped "You shut up. Don't try to be poetic with a woman in labor!"
He
called people as he drove and at one point I was yelling "Get off the phone!"
because I didn't want people to hear me scream. I called my family between
contractions. I didn't want to and I didn't want him on the phone.
At the hospital I managed to give Jason directions to the entrance (He'd never seen it). I staggered out of the car and tried to compose myself for the people smoking outside and staring at me. I walked inside in a daze, terrified I would scream and carry on right there in the ER waiting room. It took an immense amount of will to move and hold in my pain. At this point I felt so out of it. I doubt I was fooling anyone. I asked someone if I could have a wheel chair. I knew I won't be able to walk, that my legs might fold under me during the next contraction.
Jason got me in a wheel
chair. We were at an impasse. Should he leave me to moan there alone or go
to park the car? Just then Mike (Ginny's husband) walked in. Ginny was about to check out. Mike
wheeled me into the elevator where I had a contraction and he asked me "Do you
need to hold my hand?" and I said " Yes, please". I am not a touchy person but at that moment--my senses swimming, my mind changed by the pain, I needed to latch onto someone warm--to feel like I was still in reality. I tried to swallow my pain and be
silent. I was so embarrassed to carry on in front of others. I think Mike was an angel sent to save me. I was that grateful.
At the nurses station I got the 3rd degree. Meanwhile, I was so out of it I wasn't seeing clearly. Mike is still there? Gone? I have no idea. I don't care. I just want someone to help me and care for me.
"Can you stand up? Are you sure your water broke?" and everyone sounds doubtful and annoyed like I am a big fucking baby at 3cm and I have no reason to be so out of it and whimpering.
I managed to stand leaning at an angle. I was writhing. "I think my water broke. I feel gushes of fluid." I basically felt like I pissed myself twice over.
"Here pee in this cup. There is the bathroom" In the bathroom I was confronted with a red pad and a toilet that quickly blushed up with blood. I tried to pee. I did. A contraction ripped through me and I was in a panic alone in the bathroom with a cup filled with bloody fluid, clutching at the wall, groaning and trying not to scream. I staggered out. "I can't pee. Someone help me." I say it to the wall. To the air. Later Jason said he found me there, dazed and frightened in hall. He took me into a room. I don't remember any of this. I was in transition. I functioned from one direction to another like a puppet.
I was told to leave
out my pad for examination, given a belly band to hold the fetal monitors in
place and a robe. I was only too happy to remove my
clothing. Jason helped me into the band and gown. I went to the bed, squatted backwards on it and whined for the nurses, someone to show up and help me. Jason went in and out of the room. Finally the nurse came in and put on the monitors. After each horrible contraction, I checked out the spiked mountains and commented "Oh, that was a good one" I was now yanking on the mattress and/or gnawing on the
sheet. The nurse asked me if I thought I wanted pain relief. They will put in an IV just in case. I
thought they weren't supposed to tempt me and but I think she felt bad. She was the first person to take my labor seriously. Maybe she was thinking, this woman has to be far along.
I debated pain relief. I
didn't want to wuss out. My friends had managed it earlier in the week after all. I decided to wait
until I saw how dilated I was. If this was 3cm, I was getting an epidural. Fuck, natural birth. I felt like dying.
The midwife came in and was not amused by my carrying on. I was apologizing for being cowardly. She checked me and was amazed "You are 6, almost 7 cm dilated and 100% effaced. I can feel your baby's head. You are a quick one"
Finally, I had earned some respect! They began taking me seriously! The midwife talked about how she will have to tell the nurse on call how far I am because when I called I was so polite and calm that they all assumed my labor had just started.
The midwife came in and was not amused by my carrying on. I was apologizing for being cowardly. She checked me and was amazed "You are 6, almost 7 cm dilated and 100% effaced. I can feel your baby's head. You are a quick one"
Finally, I had earned some respect! They began taking me seriously! The midwife talked about how she will have to tell the nurse on call how far I am because when I called I was so polite and calm that they all assumed my labor had just started.
Having a high pain tolerance is not advantageous! If I had screamed and whined and carried on, I would have been in the hospital much earlier!
Things started getting wheeled in. I was now the center of attention. I had to answer all these questions and I was completely confused as to why they were bothering me when I was obviously in agony. Sign this. When did you water break? When is you birthday? I wanted them to leave me alone.
Everyone left at one point and I started bearing down and gurgling horribly. I would explain it to the midwife as feeling as if my ass had to vomit. It was out of my control and such a horrible feeling. Like I was trying to take the hugest dump and it was beyond my control. Basically like all my organs wanted to shoot out my bottom. I was kneeling again at this point. That position felt best to me, most natural. It was in the this positon that my body pushed for me. The midwife would have me move and because I was in pain and not thinking clearly, I would listen. On my side/back my body would NOT push for me. It would all be on me and take much longer than I think it would have if I had remained upright.
Things started getting wheeled in. I was now the center of attention. I had to answer all these questions and I was completely confused as to why they were bothering me when I was obviously in agony. Sign this. When did you water break? When is you birthday? I wanted them to leave me alone.
Everyone left at one point and I started bearing down and gurgling horribly. I would explain it to the midwife as feeling as if my ass had to vomit. It was out of my control and such a horrible feeling. Like I was trying to take the hugest dump and it was beyond my control. Basically like all my organs wanted to shoot out my bottom. I was kneeling again at this point. That position felt best to me, most natural. It was in the this positon that my body pushed for me. The midwife would have me move and because I was in pain and not thinking clearly, I would listen. On my side/back my body would NOT push for me. It would all be on me and take much longer than I think it would have if I had remained upright.
I yelled for Jason to get help because I was pushing
against my control and had read that it was bad bad bad to push when I was not fully dilated. I
got there what... ten minutes ago? No way was it time to push!
The midwife came in, annoyed, and simply said "Push if you want to." I was horrified. She took pity of me and checked me. "Wow you move very fast! You are one of those women that has to come back here and have more babies."
"No!"
"Next time you have to come to us right away"
"No, next time!"
"You have fully dilated and the babies head is at zero station"
The midwife came in, annoyed, and simply said "Push if you want to." I was horrified. She took pity of me and checked me. "Wow you move very fast! You are one of those women that has to come back here and have more babies."
"No!"
"Next time you have to come to us right away"
"No, next time!"
"You have fully dilated and the babies head is at zero station"
Yes, all that in about ten minutes!
She convinced me to do something she reserved mainly for second mothers to slow down their labor: she had me lay on my side. My knees were yanked up to my ears, my chin pushed into my chest. It was an uncomfortable, unnatural position. If I had been in my right mind, I would have refused it. I would have stayed in the position I returned to time and time again--my knees.
She convinced me to do something she reserved mainly for second mothers to slow down their labor: she had me lay on my side. My knees were yanked up to my ears, my chin pushed into my chest. It was an uncomfortable, unnatural position. If I had been in my right mind, I would have refused it. I would have stayed in the position I returned to time and time again--my knees.
The
clock was my focal point. It was 5:30 and I started pushing for real. I called the
shots. In sad resignation I'd say, "Ok. Here is a contraction. Let's do this." I
pushed in 3s. My third push was always weak because I was out of air and tired. I panted at
the ceiling. I twitched because I was in transition. My hands waved around my face.
Jason was on my left. He held my hand, my leg, at one point I gently grabbed the
hair at the back of his neck, at another I wrung his shirt in my fist. I was told
not to yell and to put that energy into the push. The midwife's fingers were in
me, stretching. The nurse guessed 6:00 because they could see the head at each
push. I just needed to get it under my pelvic bone. I touched the head at one point because the midwife asked if I wanted to. "Ew," I said. "It's squishy" I begged for water and managed sips. Jason wiped the
sweat off my face.
It seemed to take forever. It seemed to pass in a instant.
Predator had been playing on the TV the entire time because I was delivering in the examination room. They had no time to put me in a real delivery room. In my foggy state of mind, I heard everyone commenting on the movie and talking admist themselves. The nurse suggested they should turn it off, doubting I want my baby born while that movie was on. They laughed.
My mind ran a little commentary during all this. Is the midwife wiping my butt? Yes. Now they are all commenting on my hemorrhoid. Amusing. Is that me moaning? Silly, girl. At one point I heard the midwife say, "Don't be concern Dad. That's isn't the baby's blood. That's mom's blood." I thought, is that supposed to comfort him?
I functioned within a ball of pain and effort inside while I was also outside myself at the same time. It was the oddest sensation. In hindsight, I recall that pushing did not hurt in the same way as contractions. Pushing was awkward and strange and took a lot of effort but the contractions did not hurt while I pushed.
At one point, I started wussing out. "I can't do this"
"It's too late to
say that." The midwife explained. "You're doing it"
At one horrible point the midwife asked me to
turn to another side. It was agony. Turning with the baby's head right there and
being so tired was beyond me. I think I screamed. I couldn't drop my legs either because that hurt. They thought
my legs would cramp, but go Yoga and my very open, very flexible hips! It hurt more to put them down than to keep them up. I ended up flat on my back.
Again I said I couldn't do this and again was told it's too late and I was doing it!
The
nurse was my angel. She rubbed my hand, my back, and apologized each time she had to pull up my belly to listen for the baby's heartbeat.
Long ago my robe came
off and the belly band was cut away. I was completely naked. I prefered it that way, actually asking, "Can I take off the robe?"
The midwife
started telling me I should feel burning. No burn. She was a liar. I thought they all
were liars. Telling me it was almost over to keep me going.
I trusted Jason. When he said he could see the head I believed him. He
was in awe. I could hear it in his voice. He raved about all the hair, the brown hair. He didn't sound disgusted or faint. He sounded enthralled.
Then I felt he burn and I just screamed,
gurgled, yelled, panted at the ceiling, and screamed some more. It was worse than all the contractions. It felt like my clit (Oh my, did I just write about my clit on the internet?!) was going to rip in half. The midwife's hands were supporting me down there,
surrounding my baby's head.
The pain was too much. I couldn't push anymore. I held the baby in and waited. I knew I needed to finish it the next push or I would just die. I was caught between contractions with the
baby's head crowned. I lied my way through a contraction and waited more--getting myself ready for the pain.
There it was, a contraction. I pushed. I pushed so hard--past the point of
exhaustion. I didn't want to look or feel. I wanted it done, damn it! His head was out and then the midwife pulled him and his shoulders moved out of me. I was horrified
by the sensation and making noises like I was drowning. Then relief. It was over.
There he was hanging over the midwife's hand, crying, and then on my chest, warm and slick and
smelling like fresh meat. (that is seriously what he smelled like to me). Crying and crying--a wide open mouth by my cheek and being suctioned. I was numb. Numb. I held him there, dazed. My main emotion was relief that the pain was over. The cord was cut. The
placenta wasn't coming out. I gave the baby to Jason who got pooed on.
I had to squat. I did and out plopped the placenta right into a bowl. Down again and the worse of the worse: the massage. The torture. I was moaning as my belly was kneaded. I begged the nurse to stop hurting me, please. Just let me bleed. Two shots to my thigh to get my uterus to contract. Jason later told me that blood was spraying out of me. Because of my anemia my bleeding took longer to stop and my uterus would not remain hard and I would begin to bleed again. I kept having to tell the nurse, "I'm bleeding again" and the massage would begin. Imagine someone pressing hard on a open wound. Yes, it hurt so bad.
The midwife rubbed gauze down there: killed! I had 3 tears
and she numbed me up with a needle and went to stitch two. My first stitches ever and they are going on my vagina... Who would have thought..
I only felt the very
last stitches like a little pinch. Bleeding again, more massage. A different nurse triedan IV, no
go. The other arm, no go. Another nurse came in and we get River to nurse. They
were going to put me on pitocn but River helps me stop my bleeding by
nursing. My uterus finally stayed hard and my bleeding stopped.
Now I did cry. I had my baby. For the first time I could marvel at him. My little boy!
After labor I was helped to dress and walked down the hall pushing River in the bassinet. It is amazing to me that I could walk after all that. He had been born so quickly we didn't have the camera or any of our stuff with us. I immediately got into the shower, but could only bathe from the belly up. My belly was all round still and sagging. I dripped blood all over the floor, all over the toilet, all over my feet. Jason had to come help me clean up.
Now I did cry. I had my baby. For the first time I could marvel at him. My little boy!
After labor I was helped to dress and walked down the hall pushing River in the bassinet. It is amazing to me that I could walk after all that. He had been born so quickly we didn't have the camera or any of our stuff with us. I immediately got into the shower, but could only bathe from the belly up. My belly was all round still and sagging. I dripped blood all over the floor, all over the toilet, all over my feet. Jason had to come help me clean up.
A full day I wore the hospital's mesh panties, a huge pad
and over that a very bulky ice pack smothered in gel! My parts were very very
sore and very very swollen after labor. Grotesquely swollen. Also, I bled...a
lot. The hospital bed was covered in an absorbent pad to bleed onto when the pad
leaks. And it did leak. Nothing could prepare me for the after pains--the cramps, the swollen tissue, the enraged, mega hemorrhoids.
Peeing was a feat. I had no problem peeing, but squatting over the toilet...having to spray water instead of wipe. It was...unique.
The next day I got put in the tub to relieve some swelling. That's how bad I was deformed down there. It would take weeks for me to sit down comfortably.
The hospital staff was wonderful. I got dried off by a nurse after my bath and it was so tender and sweet I could have cried. Everyone was nice down to the guy that delivered my trays. My whole body had been poked, seen, touched by so many people. My modesty had fled and I felt so blessed for the women who worked with me during and after my son's birth. Especially that nurse who helped me out of the tub, held those silly mesh panties open for me to put my feet into and pulled them up my body. Dressed me like I was a little girl and then put her arm around me and said, "Usually, I don't get to work the maternity ward. I love it. I love working with you new mothers." I think I could have kissed her and cried onto her shoulder. I was so sore and so tired and she was so gentle.
I should mention that post labor hunger was extreme. I ate, standing up, food that had been sitting out for two hours and then I drank gallons of ice water.
Peeing was a feat. I had no problem peeing, but squatting over the toilet...having to spray water instead of wipe. It was...unique.
The next day I got put in the tub to relieve some swelling. That's how bad I was deformed down there. It would take weeks for me to sit down comfortably.
The hospital staff was wonderful. I got dried off by a nurse after my bath and it was so tender and sweet I could have cried. Everyone was nice down to the guy that delivered my trays. My whole body had been poked, seen, touched by so many people. My modesty had fled and I felt so blessed for the women who worked with me during and after my son's birth. Especially that nurse who helped me out of the tub, held those silly mesh panties open for me to put my feet into and pulled them up my body. Dressed me like I was a little girl and then put her arm around me and said, "Usually, I don't get to work the maternity ward. I love it. I love working with you new mothers." I think I could have kissed her and cried onto her shoulder. I was so sore and so tired and she was so gentle.
I should mention that post labor hunger was extreme. I ate, standing up, food that had been sitting out for two hours and then I drank gallons of ice water.
It was an amazing experience. I just wish I had gotten to the hospital a bit earlier so things weren't so hectic!
River Reed was born December 9th at 6:10PM about one hour after arriving at the hospital and after about 40 minutes of pushing. He was 7 pounds 8 onces and 20 inches long. His birth was completely natural.
I'm not going to be able to post much. 1. It hurts for me to sit too long ow ow ow 2. I have a demanding infant who lusts after my nipples, constantly 3. I'm very very short on sleep
River is great, except we are waiting on a second poo and calling out each fart in the hopes that we get some crap happening. He has auburn hair! Can you believe it? All the hospital staff were talking about it, amazed, entranced, and complementing the little man left and right on being handsome and adorable. Maybe they compliment all babies, but I think mine is just super worthy of adoration.
I am sore. My arms and neck hurt from nursing River and having to use my upper body strength to haul my ass up and around. My back hurts from the tortures of the hospital bed. You can image how much my vagina hurts. Swelled, stiches..etc. Nikki, I got the pot of goo in the mail and just used it after a bath. It is the sweetest most wonderful goo ever and I almost cried with joy after smearing it over my war wounds. I had 3 small lateral tears near the top of my girl parts. One required no stiches and the other two did. My perinium held up wonderfully! I was complimented on it being very muscular. Go Yoga!
I"m going to work on a birth story and give you all the gory details but that is for my labtop and what free time I can snag! I can't wait to share.
I delievered 55 minutes after entering the hospital and pushed for 40 minutes! It was intense, horribly horribly painful, frightening, and...well more details later. Let's just say birth was the best form of birth control and I have no plans to ever ever ever EVER going through that horror again!
Thanks for all the well wishes. Sorry if I'm out of contact for a time. Going to go nap right now while the baby does!
I'm not going to be able to post much. 1. It hurts for me to sit too long ow ow ow 2. I have a demanding infant who lusts after my nipples, constantly 3. I'm very very short on sleep
River is great, except we are waiting on a second poo and calling out each fart in the hopes that we get some crap happening. He has auburn hair! Can you believe it? All the hospital staff were talking about it, amazed, entranced, and complementing the little man left and right on being handsome and adorable. Maybe they compliment all babies, but I think mine is just super worthy of adoration.
I am sore. My arms and neck hurt from nursing River and having to use my upper body strength to haul my ass up and around. My back hurts from the tortures of the hospital bed. You can image how much my vagina hurts. Swelled, stiches..etc. Nikki, I got the pot of goo in the mail and just used it after a bath. It is the sweetest most wonderful goo ever and I almost cried with joy after smearing it over my war wounds. I had 3 small lateral tears near the top of my girl parts. One required no stiches and the other two did. My perinium held up wonderfully! I was complimented on it being very muscular. Go Yoga!
I"m going to work on a birth story and give you all the gory details but that is for my labtop and what free time I can snag! I can't wait to share.
I delievered 55 minutes after entering the hospital and pushed for 40 minutes! It was intense, horribly horribly painful, frightening, and...well more details later. Let's just say birth was the best form of birth control and I have no plans to ever ever ever EVER going through that horror again!
Thanks for all the well wishes. Sorry if I'm out of contact for a time. Going to go nap right now while the baby does!
(posted at 6:13AM) 6:00ish in the
morning and a giant has me between his thumb and
forfinger
I've been having "contractions" since 2:30 this morning. They all basically feel the same, like some giant is squeezing me with a thumb against my back and a finger against my lower belly. The ache sometimes begins in front, more often in back in a very percise circle like local that radiates through my body and just plain hurts. Like this is hurt for sure. Hurt my body wants to whine against and curl around. I just do my deep breathing through it. Then after each one I am convinced that's it, no more, just practice labour, but the next one shows up sometime later to be ridden out.
Ugh the back pain sort of lingers around an extra minute after the worse part.
Now they can't be that bad, because I managed to fall asleep for about 2 hours before finally getting up to write this. I just got tired of my dreams and waking up all the time from the discomfort.
Is this really, truely the real thing?
I don't know. After the cramping I've had before and my wishful thinking, I'm throughly confused. Here is what I know is different than last time:
1. It hurts a lot more!
2. It ALWAYS hurts in my back and my front
3. It hurt sitting up as much as laying down
4. I'm only just starting to time these bastards. In general, they are short with long breaks
between. So be this real, I'm just starting to climb this mountain.
Here is what is the same:
1.Still no mucus plug, no runs, and no water. I think I need one to believe I'm in labour.
This is my state of mind:
1.If this isn't the real deal, I'm pretty pissed at my fickle body for keeping me awake FOR NO REASON. I'm tired. Ugh
Practice labour/real labour?
I've been having "contractions" since 2:30 this morning. They all basically feel the same, like some giant is squeezing me with a thumb against my back and a finger against my lower belly. The ache sometimes begins in front, more often in back in a very percise circle like local that radiates through my body and just plain hurts. Like this is hurt for sure. Hurt my body wants to whine against and curl around. I just do my deep breathing through it. Then after each one I am convinced that's it, no more, just practice labour, but the next one shows up sometime later to be ridden out.
Ugh the back pain sort of lingers around an extra minute after the worse part.
Now they can't be that bad, because I managed to fall asleep for about 2 hours before finally getting up to write this. I just got tired of my dreams and waking up all the time from the discomfort.
Is this really, truely the real thing?
I don't know. After the cramping I've had before and my wishful thinking, I'm throughly confused. Here is what I know is different than last time:
1. It hurts a lot more!
2. It ALWAYS hurts in my back and my front
3. It hurt sitting up as much as laying down
4. I'm only just starting to time these bastards. In general, they are short with long breaks
between. So be this real, I'm just starting to climb this mountain.
Here is what is the same:
1.Still no mucus plug, no runs, and no water. I think I need one to believe I'm in labour.
This is my state of mind:
1.If this isn't the real deal, I'm pretty pissed at my fickle body for keeping me awake FOR NO REASON. I'm tired. Ugh
Practice labour/real labour?
( posted at 7:59AM)
2 hours later
Still in pain. Haven't been timing it, but the pain is worse. I tried to sleep and sorta, maybe dozed but every contraction woke me up and took my full attention and breathing deeply so I wouldn't whimper like a little bitch. It helped if I kinda hummed through it. They don't feel as uncomfortable if I am up and about, so this is it: I'm staying up.
Oh boy, if they feel like this now my labour is going to be pretty fucking intense. I'm not worried, but really there is nothing I can do to control this, but I am thinking how much this is going to suck. At the same time I was laying in bed grinning like a fiend looking at Jason's sleeping face and thinking of meeting our baby!
I'm not calling anyone until I'm in active labour and only if its not in the middle of the fucking night. I know my mom wants to rush up here like someone in a movie, but I don't want her rushing anywhere in the dark. Plus, the birthing center has no waiting rooms. Everyone would have to wait in the ER. Ideally, I'd like no one to visit/be around until after the kid is born, but I'm going to make my final decision based on all the elements at hand. If the time is right I'll call the parents and they can wait in the ER until their asses go numb if that's what they want, but no one is getting 2:00 in the morning phone calls from me. I'll just let you sleep and tell you news at a responable hour. At this point I don't care about offending anyone. This is my thing totally. I'm in charge. I have nightmares of panting through contractions and my mother barreling into the room. I think I'd launch myself at her and beat her up. That's how much I just want to be left alone to do my thing with only the father/fellow creator of my little ninja baby.
So yeah, any of you see my mother keep this possibly early labour hush hush because if she shows up at my door doing a happy dance and squelling "sissy", I will know someone leaked the information! :P Then I will throw poopy diapers at you and cats.
Heather, I totally could have this kid on your b-day!
2 hours later
Still in pain. Haven't been timing it, but the pain is worse. I tried to sleep and sorta, maybe dozed but every contraction woke me up and took my full attention and breathing deeply so I wouldn't whimper like a little bitch. It helped if I kinda hummed through it. They don't feel as uncomfortable if I am up and about, so this is it: I'm staying up.
Oh boy, if they feel like this now my labour is going to be pretty fucking intense. I'm not worried, but really there is nothing I can do to control this, but I am thinking how much this is going to suck. At the same time I was laying in bed grinning like a fiend looking at Jason's sleeping face and thinking of meeting our baby!
I'm not calling anyone until I'm in active labour and only if its not in the middle of the fucking night. I know my mom wants to rush up here like someone in a movie, but I don't want her rushing anywhere in the dark. Plus, the birthing center has no waiting rooms. Everyone would have to wait in the ER. Ideally, I'd like no one to visit/be around until after the kid is born, but I'm going to make my final decision based on all the elements at hand. If the time is right I'll call the parents and they can wait in the ER until their asses go numb if that's what they want, but no one is getting 2:00 in the morning phone calls from me. I'll just let you sleep and tell you news at a responable hour. At this point I don't care about offending anyone. This is my thing totally. I'm in charge. I have nightmares of panting through contractions and my mother barreling into the room. I think I'd launch myself at her and beat her up. That's how much I just want to be left alone to do my thing with only the father/fellow creator of my little ninja baby.
So yeah, any of you see my mother keep this possibly early labour hush hush because if she shows up at my door doing a happy dance and squelling "sissy", I will know someone leaked the information! :P Then I will throw poopy diapers at you and cats.
Heather, I totally could have this kid on your b-day!
(posted at 8:27AM) The Sucketh
Cocktail
1. mix possible contactions
2. with gas/possibly having to poo
3. with a hemroid named Herman
4. and add a very active, disgrunteled baby in utero
and then wiggle around and go "hmmm" and "ughhh"
and then maybe if you're lucky you'll pass some gas to let up on the pressure
1. mix possible contactions
2. with gas/possibly having to poo
3. with a hemroid named Herman
4. and add a very active, disgrunteled baby in utero
and then wiggle around and go "hmmm" and "ughhh"
and then maybe if you're lucky you'll pass some gas to let up on the pressure
(posted at 10:56AM) News of the Gory
Kind
Lost/loosing my mucus plug while I.....pushed hard trying to poo! :)
Warning Details Below:
The Mucus Plug was just like a period only more of the consistency of egg whites and thicker. It was dark reddish/brown.
My current alarm is if I remain constipated, I may shit out a massive load while pushing out River. But I'm so excited I don't really care and I don't really hurt!
Now I am forcing Jason to go to the LAN with me to clean up for next week and overfeed all my pets in case we're in the hospital tonight/tomorrow. Oh and do laundry. All my pants but one pair are dirty! I am 100% on a nesting frenzy! But its good. Being busy keeps me from being annoyed by the contractions!
Lost/loosing my mucus plug while I.....pushed hard trying to poo! :)
Warning Details Below:
The Mucus Plug was just like a period only more of the consistency of egg whites and thicker. It was dark reddish/brown.
My current alarm is if I remain constipated, I may shit out a massive load while pushing out River. But I'm so excited I don't really care and I don't really hurt!
Now I am forcing Jason to go to the LAN with me to clean up for next week and overfeed all my pets in case we're in the hospital tonight/tomorrow. Oh and do laundry. All my pants but one pair are dirty! I am 100% on a nesting frenzy! But its good. Being busy keeps me from being annoyed by the contractions!
(posted at 2:14) This
sucks
yeah, it hurts. It hurts a lot. I crawled across the hardwood floor to try to get to the bedroom so I could lean on pillows after rocking on my hands and knees during the contractions. At one point it was like one contraction after another because moving around really makes them come. So I called the birthing center and they said I could come in if I want to, but I don't have to yet. I told the nurse "I don't want to come in yet. I just want to make sure it's okay if I stay here"
She told me to call when I felt ready to come in and asked questions like how long as this been going on, did I sleep last night, have I been drinking/eating today. Etc.
this might be my last post cause I"M IN FUCKING PAIN BITCHES!
:)
yeah, it hurts. It hurts a lot. I crawled across the hardwood floor to try to get to the bedroom so I could lean on pillows after rocking on my hands and knees during the contractions. At one point it was like one contraction after another because moving around really makes them come. So I called the birthing center and they said I could come in if I want to, but I don't have to yet. I told the nurse "I don't want to come in yet. I just want to make sure it's okay if I stay here"
She told me to call when I felt ready to come in and asked questions like how long as this been going on, did I sleep last night, have I been drinking/eating today. Etc.
this might be my last post cause I"M IN FUCKING PAIN BITCHES!
:)
I was in labor when this photo was taken. I know, the size of my stomach is frightening.
So....no cramps currently though I had a lot of back pain and some front
cramping all night. My stomach is super pointy though. River has dropped even
more. I feel funny. Restless, not comfortable, sore all over, not really hungry
but then hungry. It might not be this week, but I think it will be soon (as in
before X-mas!) My boobs hurt, my legs hurt, my hips hurt. Ugh. I feel like if I
giant just took me in hand and gave me a good squeeze, I'd feel all better.
Jason is making me pancakes. I have Yoga this morning and hopes that cramping will return and labour start!
Jason is making me pancakes. I have Yoga this morning and hopes that cramping will return and labour start!
So last night a hemroid bloomed on my b-hole like a malignant flower. This is
it: I have the infamous pregnancy butthole issue: A HEMROID. I named him Herman
and told him quite clearly that he was not welcome to his place of residence and
would he kindly pack up and fucking move. He blew me a rasberry or maybe I just
farted. It's open to interpretation.
Since I discovered Herman and have been bathing his balbous head with perperation-H, I have been repeatingly giggling as I ask Jason to look at him for me and tell me what he looks like. It's not like I really want my husband to see something on my body that is mostly regarded as a hush hush embaressment, but it really makes me crack up to see his looks of disgust and horror at my insistance. I just can't leave it alone. I'm that horrible.
Herman is annoying, but not terribly painful. I just want him gone before my nether region is stretched like silly puddy. I doubt Herman will have anything pleasent to say about that upcomming experiance.
I have some off and on cramping which is, I think , caused by River burrowing closer towards the tunnel exit. I have so much pressure in my pelvis that I can hardly bend over and if I dare to lean back, even for the briefest instance I swear I can almost see my sons vertebre pushing out against my skin. He is that big in there and that restless. Between Herman and River I can't make anyone happy. I have to sit like I have a pencil stuck up my bum and trying to sweep dirt into the dust pan made me feel like I had to crap all over the floor. With Herman where he is the thought of poop makes me feel light headed, but then River is all pokes and huge butt mound demanding more room in there and I feel bad having him snuggled up to intestines full of poo.
You see...I just can't win here people. My body is a warzone!
I'm feeling awake and very cheerful today and that is the only reason I have such a playful attitude about my discomfort!
Anyway, I'm just going to enjoy River being where he is for now since after seeing that so many people are having cute babies, Jason and I are convinced ours will be fugly! :p
Occasionaly it feels like my vagina needs to take a poop.
River will be the cutest turd I ever created.
I know I'm not yet in labour, but yes..I'd like to be.
I don't want to make guesses or be crazy about it, because I'll feel like a total ass if I drop this kid in 3 weeks!
But I want to make notes on what my body is up to, for further reference if nothing else.
I am at work on my Yoga ball. I've been cramping off and on for about 2 days. But because I'm reading and it isn't too difficult, I'm keep track of the cramps just because. Now real labour is supposed to be in the back and front, increase in duration and intensity..etc. This isn't labour. I am just having a tightening/pressure/slight discomfort in my lower belly/groin. It's Braxton Hicks. They happen about every 5-8 minutes, last less than a minute, and vary in intensity. Still all news is good news to me at this point. This means something is going on, my body is getting ready, practicing, warming up. Better than nothing!
It basically feels like a fishing reel. The feeling begins under my belly right where menstrual cramps happen. It winds up in increments until I feel like my whole tummy is a tight string, vibrating on the fishing pole and then it more rapidly diminshes.
I like the come and go pattern. It's relaible, it's intriguing, and it's neat. Clean "pain" as I would call it. Like the ticking of a roller coaster as it climbs to the top of the first hill and then mounts the top and suddenly spills out over the peak and wooshes down the track. At the peak I feel balenced on the feeling like I am sitting on a pyramid with the core of my body watching the feeling, observing it, and rolling it around in my hands.
That's the best way I can describe it.
No promises but I plan to try to write about my early labour and River's birth ASAP during/after each occures.
River has dropped a lot more. I can barely walk, seriously. There is so much pressure in my pelvis that walking is very very uncomfortable and I have to "Choo coo train" breath my way down the street. Like so: breath out fast, breath out fast, breath in slow. I do this because I am that uncomfortable walking and it helps me pace myself, not hurry, or fall in the snow.
So as far as my cramps go, well they come and go. I had about 20 minutes worth of pretty sharp pain in the pubic region that felt like a pen was jabbing into my body and twisting, but since I came home I haven't felt much of anything. So your guess is as good as mine.
Herman has grown to monsterous proportions and Jason, due to my whining, took a look at him and basically told me he is now prepared for an alien to pop out of my ass and it was a real learning experience to go on eye level with someone's butt growth. This only scared me more and I put some much perperation-H on my b-hole that my farts should smell like minty goodness. I'm hoping that a weekend of side laying will take some of the pressure off my irritated nether region causing the swelling to go down.
Zach and I saw the baby! Actually we spent about two hours in the hospital room. It was nice because I got to see the place which will help later. Also got to hold the baby. So cute. Got to watch Ginny breastfeed, interesting. Heard lots of crying. Got to talk to Ginny about labour and get tips on what to bring that I wasn't planning to: quaters, boppy (Josh fed for 2 hours straight!) and a tank top (room was fucking hot!). The spotlights that cast intense light at the foot of the bed creeped me out a little bit. (your vagina is a star!) But I feel even more ready for labour and I'm looking foward to it intensely. Ginny was so peaceful and calm like a budda. I want to be a budda mommy too.
I'll keep you all updated. Cramping again. Going to get some sleep while I can.
Since I discovered Herman and have been bathing his balbous head with perperation-H, I have been repeatingly giggling as I ask Jason to look at him for me and tell me what he looks like. It's not like I really want my husband to see something on my body that is mostly regarded as a hush hush embaressment, but it really makes me crack up to see his looks of disgust and horror at my insistance. I just can't leave it alone. I'm that horrible.
Herman is annoying, but not terribly painful. I just want him gone before my nether region is stretched like silly puddy. I doubt Herman will have anything pleasent to say about that upcomming experiance.
I have some off and on cramping which is, I think , caused by River burrowing closer towards the tunnel exit. I have so much pressure in my pelvis that I can hardly bend over and if I dare to lean back, even for the briefest instance I swear I can almost see my sons vertebre pushing out against my skin. He is that big in there and that restless. Between Herman and River I can't make anyone happy. I have to sit like I have a pencil stuck up my bum and trying to sweep dirt into the dust pan made me feel like I had to crap all over the floor. With Herman where he is the thought of poop makes me feel light headed, but then River is all pokes and huge butt mound demanding more room in there and I feel bad having him snuggled up to intestines full of poo.
You see...I just can't win here people. My body is a warzone!
I'm feeling awake and very cheerful today and that is the only reason I have such a playful attitude about my discomfort!
Anyway, I'm just going to enjoy River being where he is for now since after seeing that so many people are having cute babies, Jason and I are convinced ours will be fugly! :p
Occasionaly it feels like my vagina needs to take a poop.
River will be the cutest turd I ever created.
I know I'm not yet in labour, but yes..I'd like to be.
I don't want to make guesses or be crazy about it, because I'll feel like a total ass if I drop this kid in 3 weeks!
But I want to make notes on what my body is up to, for further reference if nothing else.
I am at work on my Yoga ball. I've been cramping off and on for about 2 days. But because I'm reading and it isn't too difficult, I'm keep track of the cramps just because. Now real labour is supposed to be in the back and front, increase in duration and intensity..etc. This isn't labour. I am just having a tightening/pressure/slight discomfort in my lower belly/groin. It's Braxton Hicks. They happen about every 5-8 minutes, last less than a minute, and vary in intensity. Still all news is good news to me at this point. This means something is going on, my body is getting ready, practicing, warming up. Better than nothing!
It basically feels like a fishing reel. The feeling begins under my belly right where menstrual cramps happen. It winds up in increments until I feel like my whole tummy is a tight string, vibrating on the fishing pole and then it more rapidly diminshes.
I like the come and go pattern. It's relaible, it's intriguing, and it's neat. Clean "pain" as I would call it. Like the ticking of a roller coaster as it climbs to the top of the first hill and then mounts the top and suddenly spills out over the peak and wooshes down the track. At the peak I feel balenced on the feeling like I am sitting on a pyramid with the core of my body watching the feeling, observing it, and rolling it around in my hands.
That's the best way I can describe it.
No promises but I plan to try to write about my early labour and River's birth ASAP during/after each occures.
River has dropped a lot more. I can barely walk, seriously. There is so much pressure in my pelvis that walking is very very uncomfortable and I have to "Choo coo train" breath my way down the street. Like so: breath out fast, breath out fast, breath in slow. I do this because I am that uncomfortable walking and it helps me pace myself, not hurry, or fall in the snow.
So as far as my cramps go, well they come and go. I had about 20 minutes worth of pretty sharp pain in the pubic region that felt like a pen was jabbing into my body and twisting, but since I came home I haven't felt much of anything. So your guess is as good as mine.
Herman has grown to monsterous proportions and Jason, due to my whining, took a look at him and basically told me he is now prepared for an alien to pop out of my ass and it was a real learning experience to go on eye level with someone's butt growth. This only scared me more and I put some much perperation-H on my b-hole that my farts should smell like minty goodness. I'm hoping that a weekend of side laying will take some of the pressure off my irritated nether region causing the swelling to go down.
Zach and I saw the baby! Actually we spent about two hours in the hospital room. It was nice because I got to see the place which will help later. Also got to hold the baby. So cute. Got to watch Ginny breastfeed, interesting. Heard lots of crying. Got to talk to Ginny about labour and get tips on what to bring that I wasn't planning to: quaters, boppy (Josh fed for 2 hours straight!) and a tank top (room was fucking hot!). The spotlights that cast intense light at the foot of the bed creeped me out a little bit. (your vagina is a star!) But I feel even more ready for labour and I'm looking foward to it intensely. Ginny was so peaceful and calm like a budda. I want to be a budda mommy too.
I'll keep you all updated. Cramping again. Going to get some sleep while I can.
just feel weird. Like sorta queezy, tired, sickish feeling. I just want to lay
down all day
Ginny is in the hospital right now having her baby! So exciting.
2 down and 1 to go!
I feel like total crap today. All I want to do is sleep. ugh
I really just don't feel good. I want to go home so bad. I think I am closing in 2 hours. People will be out of time then and Jason should be off work to pick me up. I was falling asleep in my chair, but I swear people only show up when I get comfortable. It's hard. I have to shove my coat under my belly and between my legs. I was dozing off breathing into the fur at the collar of my coat when someone comes in. He has obvious disabilities, so I had to help him. I'm trying to bend over and manage plugging in Guitar Hero. Meanwhile this guy smells like rotten chinese food. And for like the 5th time in two days I want to throw up. This morning it was the site of cat barf (ON MY BED) that had drippled down the end and plunked onto the husband on the floor. I had to tell myself "It's just cat food." BUT WHAT IS THAT SLIMY STUFF IN IT THAT LOOKS LIKE SNOT?~! "That's just honey. Yup honey. And you need to believe that because you have to clean that mess up and can't leave it there all day." And you know what I managed without gagging after I convinved myself it was just cat food with honey in it. THE POWER OF THE MIND!
Last night the Do Baby went for the bathroom rug again (newly cleaned). I ended up snatching it off the floor and clutching it to my naked chest as I peed and shrieked. "JASON! JASON! SHE"S PUKING~! UGH! IT"S SO VIOLENT!" Her poor little body was spazing out and her retching was horrendous and her pile of puke was quite impressive. YUM
I am having this achey feeling in my groin right on my bone down there. I'm not sure what that is about. It isn't really all that painful but it is annoying. It's there when I lay down and sit up. I just keep peeing because that seems to take off some of the pressure.
All the customers are avoiding me because I look a a zombie propped up at the front desk.
Earlier today I had an intense compulsion to shower, particulary wash my hair. I was like, hmm maybe I will go into labour soon? I DON"T WANT TO BE IN LABOUR WITH HAIR I HAVEN:T WASHED IN TWO DAYS! (I only wash my hair every other day, btw) But then I thought, no. Shouldn't I be wanting to nest? Shouldn't I want to clean just in case. The thought of cleaning was like thinking about running laps. Nope, just want to sleep and then sleep some more oh and shower because there is nothing better than being all toasty warm and clean before napping in bed all day! (i wish)
I'm unsure if this fatigue is purely pregnancy related, just seasonal depression (I haven't been as anal about my light yet) or a combination of both. I don't feel like crying and pounding my fists on the floor so....guessing its not seasonal depression. I do feel sorta out of it, numb, distracted, and just plain tired. I'm so tired, I don't care. Do you know that tired? That's my tired right now. Last night I went into the shower by myself. Too tired to call for Jason like I always do. Then I went right from the shower to bed and began dozing. Once again, without whining for Jason to come to bed with me. Too tired to want to "Cuddlepuss" (my new word for being physically needy: based on the obessessive snuggle needs of my felines)?! That's pretty fucking tired! I always want to cuddlepuss... :(
Ginny had her baby today around 5:30ish. I got to talk to the Papa, Mike. Her told me the experience was great and he thinks I'll really enjoy my time there. (lol) Joshua Michael Nelson is 8lbs 9onces, healthy, and extremly cute. (I saw a picture) He has red hair but hasn't eaten yet.
It woke me up as nothing else could today. Mike is calling Zach tomorrow with visiting hours and Zach is taking me with him to visit Ginny, Mike, and baby Josh. I am very very excited and so very happy for them. I can't wait to hold the little guy and see Ginny!
Two babies out and one more to go. River, son , when will it be? You know you can't stay in there until you are 21 dude. Oh, you want to be a good boy? Why don't you continue the pattern of babies and be born in 3 days? Sounds great to Momma!
Ginny is in the hospital right now having her baby! So exciting.
2 down and 1 to go!
I feel like total crap today. All I want to do is sleep. ugh
I really just don't feel good. I want to go home so bad. I think I am closing in 2 hours. People will be out of time then and Jason should be off work to pick me up. I was falling asleep in my chair, but I swear people only show up when I get comfortable. It's hard. I have to shove my coat under my belly and between my legs. I was dozing off breathing into the fur at the collar of my coat when someone comes in. He has obvious disabilities, so I had to help him. I'm trying to bend over and manage plugging in Guitar Hero. Meanwhile this guy smells like rotten chinese food. And for like the 5th time in two days I want to throw up. This morning it was the site of cat barf (ON MY BED) that had drippled down the end and plunked onto the husband on the floor. I had to tell myself "It's just cat food." BUT WHAT IS THAT SLIMY STUFF IN IT THAT LOOKS LIKE SNOT?~! "That's just honey. Yup honey. And you need to believe that because you have to clean that mess up and can't leave it there all day." And you know what I managed without gagging after I convinved myself it was just cat food with honey in it. THE POWER OF THE MIND!
Last night the Do Baby went for the bathroom rug again (newly cleaned). I ended up snatching it off the floor and clutching it to my naked chest as I peed and shrieked. "JASON! JASON! SHE"S PUKING~! UGH! IT"S SO VIOLENT!" Her poor little body was spazing out and her retching was horrendous and her pile of puke was quite impressive. YUM
I am having this achey feeling in my groin right on my bone down there. I'm not sure what that is about. It isn't really all that painful but it is annoying. It's there when I lay down and sit up. I just keep peeing because that seems to take off some of the pressure.
All the customers are avoiding me because I look a a zombie propped up at the front desk.
Earlier today I had an intense compulsion to shower, particulary wash my hair. I was like, hmm maybe I will go into labour soon? I DON"T WANT TO BE IN LABOUR WITH HAIR I HAVEN:T WASHED IN TWO DAYS! (I only wash my hair every other day, btw) But then I thought, no. Shouldn't I be wanting to nest? Shouldn't I want to clean just in case. The thought of cleaning was like thinking about running laps. Nope, just want to sleep and then sleep some more oh and shower because there is nothing better than being all toasty warm and clean before napping in bed all day! (i wish)
I'm unsure if this fatigue is purely pregnancy related, just seasonal depression (I haven't been as anal about my light yet) or a combination of both. I don't feel like crying and pounding my fists on the floor so....guessing its not seasonal depression. I do feel sorta out of it, numb, distracted, and just plain tired. I'm so tired, I don't care. Do you know that tired? That's my tired right now. Last night I went into the shower by myself. Too tired to call for Jason like I always do. Then I went right from the shower to bed and began dozing. Once again, without whining for Jason to come to bed with me. Too tired to want to "Cuddlepuss" (my new word for being physically needy: based on the obessessive snuggle needs of my felines)?! That's pretty fucking tired! I always want to cuddlepuss... :(
Ginny had her baby today around 5:30ish. I got to talk to the Papa, Mike. Her told me the experience was great and he thinks I'll really enjoy my time there. (lol) Joshua Michael Nelson is 8lbs 9onces, healthy, and extremly cute. (I saw a picture) He has red hair but hasn't eaten yet.
It woke me up as nothing else could today. Mike is calling Zach tomorrow with visiting hours and Zach is taking me with him to visit Ginny, Mike, and baby Josh. I am very very excited and so very happy for them. I can't wait to hold the little guy and see Ginny!
Two babies out and one more to go. River, son , when will it be? You know you can't stay in there until you are 21 dude. Oh, you want to be a good boy? Why don't you continue the pattern of babies and be born in 3 days? Sounds great to Momma!
So just read about Nikki having her baby after (seriously) checking online for
news serveral times a day since I read about her water breaking. :)
Now I am flapping my hands, short of breath, and unable to say anything but "I want to have my baby now. I want to have my baby now. Let Nikki's short labour rub off on me. Give me my baby now. Baby come out now etc etc"
:)
I'm so excited. For Nikki (now an official mama) , for Ginny (who is sure to go before me if her blood pressure keeps climbing) and for myself (hugly pregnant but hanging in there)!
BABAYAKDNKANSBABY BABAYYANNBBAY <-- speaking in preggo tongues
Now I am flapping my hands, short of breath, and unable to say anything but "I want to have my baby now. I want to have my baby now. Let Nikki's short labour rub off on me. Give me my baby now. Baby come out now etc etc"
:)
I'm so excited. For Nikki (now an official mama) , for Ginny (who is sure to go before me if her blood pressure keeps climbing) and for myself (hugly pregnant but hanging in there)!
BABAYAKDNKANSBABY BABAYYANNBBAY <-- speaking in preggo tongues
If hard manual labour could bring on pregnancy labour, I'd be just about set
right now. I am to the point where my body just hurts. My hips are loose and
tender. I totally have the preggo waddle down. So much so, that random women
(and men!) comment on how "It can't be long now". My inner groin mucles are like
loose hinges. My lower back is sensitive and I have little to no energy. Still
though, this isn't complaining. I've felt much worse. This isn't so bad. This is
me observing that my body is worn out and ready to be un-preggo-tized at some
date not so far in the future.
I am cool with going into labour now or sometime this week, although next week would be better. But if I went tonight I wouldn't be frantic about having this, that, and the other thing done. I left the house around 8:45, dropped off Jason at work, and went to the LAN. There I did a major cleaning and even set out my pet's food neatly with labels like: Rat Food: one cup daily. I got banking done, bills sent out, laundry (3 massive bags including all bedding and towels) done. Then to walmart to pick up cat food, bedding for my rodents, bread, and candy canes for our X-mas tree. (up as of last night)
I pull in at 1:00, exhausted. So what is my baby up too? Putting on fat? Sucking on his fist? Kicking me in the side? Not being born, that's what he is doing!
Actually, at this point I am pretty indifferent as to when labour starts. I don't think I'm going until the week of my due date. So for now, I'm just going to eat more ice cream and not worry about the calories. I'm feeding my boy and my cravings and taking the afternoon off to do nothing but nap.
I am cool with going into labour now or sometime this week, although next week would be better. But if I went tonight I wouldn't be frantic about having this, that, and the other thing done. I left the house around 8:45, dropped off Jason at work, and went to the LAN. There I did a major cleaning and even set out my pet's food neatly with labels like: Rat Food: one cup daily. I got banking done, bills sent out, laundry (3 massive bags including all bedding and towels) done. Then to walmart to pick up cat food, bedding for my rodents, bread, and candy canes for our X-mas tree. (up as of last night)
I pull in at 1:00, exhausted. So what is my baby up too? Putting on fat? Sucking on his fist? Kicking me in the side? Not being born, that's what he is doing!
Actually, at this point I am pretty indifferent as to when labour starts. I don't think I'm going until the week of my due date. So for now, I'm just going to eat more ice cream and not worry about the calories. I'm feeding my boy and my cravings and taking the afternoon off to do nothing but nap.
and finally able to breathe again! I've dropped!
