So last night a hemroid bloomed on my b-hole like a malignant flower. This is
it: I have the infamous pregnancy butthole issue: A HEMROID. I named him Herman
and told him quite clearly that he was not welcome to his place of residence and
would he kindly pack up and fucking move. He blew me a rasberry or maybe I just
farted. It's open to interpretation.
Since I discovered Herman and have been bathing his balbous head with perperation-H, I have been repeatingly giggling as I ask Jason to look at him for me and tell me what he looks like. It's not like I really want my husband to see something on my body that is mostly regarded as a hush hush embaressment, but it really makes me crack up to see his looks of disgust and horror at my insistance. I just can't leave it alone. I'm that horrible.
Herman is annoying, but not terribly painful. I just want him gone before my nether region is stretched like silly puddy. I doubt Herman will have anything pleasent to say about that upcomming experiance.
I have some off and on cramping which is, I think , caused by River burrowing closer towards the tunnel exit. I have so much pressure in my pelvis that I can hardly bend over and if I dare to lean back, even for the briefest instance I swear I can almost see my sons vertebre pushing out against my skin. He is that big in there and that restless. Between Herman and River I can't make anyone happy. I have to sit like I have a pencil stuck up my bum and trying to sweep dirt into the dust pan made me feel like I had to crap all over the floor. With Herman where he is the thought of poop makes me feel light headed, but then River is all pokes and huge butt mound demanding more room in there and I feel bad having him snuggled up to intestines full of poo.
You see...I just can't win here people. My body is a warzone!
I'm feeling awake and very cheerful today and that is the only reason I have such a playful attitude about my discomfort!
Anyway, I'm just going to enjoy River being where he is for now since after seeing that so many people are having cute babies, Jason and I are convinced ours will be fugly! :p
Occasionaly it feels like my vagina needs to take a poop.
River will be the cutest turd I ever created.
I know I'm not yet in labour, but yes..I'd like to be.
I don't want to make guesses or be crazy about it, because I'll feel like a total ass if I drop this kid in 3 weeks!
But I want to make notes on what my body is up to, for further reference if nothing else.
I am at work on my Yoga ball. I've been cramping off and on for about 2 days. But because I'm reading and it isn't too difficult, I'm keep track of the cramps just because. Now real labour is supposed to be in the back and front, increase in duration and intensity..etc. This isn't labour. I am just having a tightening/pressure/slight discomfort in my lower belly/groin. It's Braxton Hicks. They happen about every 5-8 minutes, last less than a minute, and vary in intensity. Still all news is good news to me at this point. This means something is going on, my body is getting ready, practicing, warming up. Better than nothing!
It basically feels like a fishing reel. The feeling begins under my belly right where menstrual cramps happen. It winds up in increments until I feel like my whole tummy is a tight string, vibrating on the fishing pole and then it more rapidly diminshes.
I like the come and go pattern. It's relaible, it's intriguing, and it's neat. Clean "pain" as I would call it. Like the ticking of a roller coaster as it climbs to the top of the first hill and then mounts the top and suddenly spills out over the peak and wooshes down the track. At the peak I feel balenced on the feeling like I am sitting on a pyramid with the core of my body watching the feeling, observing it, and rolling it around in my hands.
That's the best way I can describe it.
No promises but I plan to try to write about my early labour and River's birth ASAP during/after each occures.
River has dropped a lot more. I can barely walk, seriously. There is so much pressure in my pelvis that walking is very very uncomfortable and I have to "Choo coo train" breath my way down the street. Like so: breath out fast, breath out fast, breath in slow. I do this because I am that uncomfortable walking and it helps me pace myself, not hurry, or fall in the snow.
So as far as my cramps go, well they come and go. I had about 20 minutes worth of pretty sharp pain in the pubic region that felt like a pen was jabbing into my body and twisting, but since I came home I haven't felt much of anything. So your guess is as good as mine.
Herman has grown to monsterous proportions and Jason, due to my whining, took a look at him and basically told me he is now prepared for an alien to pop out of my ass and it was a real learning experience to go on eye level with someone's butt growth. This only scared me more and I put some much perperation-H on my b-hole that my farts should smell like minty goodness. I'm hoping that a weekend of side laying will take some of the pressure off my irritated nether region causing the swelling to go down.
Zach and I saw the baby! Actually we spent about two hours in the hospital room. It was nice because I got to see the place which will help later. Also got to hold the baby. So cute. Got to watch Ginny breastfeed, interesting. Heard lots of crying. Got to talk to Ginny about labour and get tips on what to bring that I wasn't planning to: quaters, boppy (Josh fed for 2 hours straight!) and a tank top (room was fucking hot!). The spotlights that cast intense light at the foot of the bed creeped me out a little bit. (your vagina is a star!) But I feel even more ready for labour and I'm looking foward to it intensely. Ginny was so peaceful and calm like a budda. I want to be a budda mommy too.
I'll keep you all updated. Cramping again. Going to get some sleep while I can.
Since I discovered Herman and have been bathing his balbous head with perperation-H, I have been repeatingly giggling as I ask Jason to look at him for me and tell me what he looks like. It's not like I really want my husband to see something on my body that is mostly regarded as a hush hush embaressment, but it really makes me crack up to see his looks of disgust and horror at my insistance. I just can't leave it alone. I'm that horrible.
Herman is annoying, but not terribly painful. I just want him gone before my nether region is stretched like silly puddy. I doubt Herman will have anything pleasent to say about that upcomming experiance.
I have some off and on cramping which is, I think , caused by River burrowing closer towards the tunnel exit. I have so much pressure in my pelvis that I can hardly bend over and if I dare to lean back, even for the briefest instance I swear I can almost see my sons vertebre pushing out against my skin. He is that big in there and that restless. Between Herman and River I can't make anyone happy. I have to sit like I have a pencil stuck up my bum and trying to sweep dirt into the dust pan made me feel like I had to crap all over the floor. With Herman where he is the thought of poop makes me feel light headed, but then River is all pokes and huge butt mound demanding more room in there and I feel bad having him snuggled up to intestines full of poo.
You see...I just can't win here people. My body is a warzone!
I'm feeling awake and very cheerful today and that is the only reason I have such a playful attitude about my discomfort!
Anyway, I'm just going to enjoy River being where he is for now since after seeing that so many people are having cute babies, Jason and I are convinced ours will be fugly! :p
Occasionaly it feels like my vagina needs to take a poop.
River will be the cutest turd I ever created.
I know I'm not yet in labour, but yes..I'd like to be.
I don't want to make guesses or be crazy about it, because I'll feel like a total ass if I drop this kid in 3 weeks!
But I want to make notes on what my body is up to, for further reference if nothing else.
I am at work on my Yoga ball. I've been cramping off and on for about 2 days. But because I'm reading and it isn't too difficult, I'm keep track of the cramps just because. Now real labour is supposed to be in the back and front, increase in duration and intensity..etc. This isn't labour. I am just having a tightening/pressure/slight discomfort in my lower belly/groin. It's Braxton Hicks. They happen about every 5-8 minutes, last less than a minute, and vary in intensity. Still all news is good news to me at this point. This means something is going on, my body is getting ready, practicing, warming up. Better than nothing!
It basically feels like a fishing reel. The feeling begins under my belly right where menstrual cramps happen. It winds up in increments until I feel like my whole tummy is a tight string, vibrating on the fishing pole and then it more rapidly diminshes.
I like the come and go pattern. It's relaible, it's intriguing, and it's neat. Clean "pain" as I would call it. Like the ticking of a roller coaster as it climbs to the top of the first hill and then mounts the top and suddenly spills out over the peak and wooshes down the track. At the peak I feel balenced on the feeling like I am sitting on a pyramid with the core of my body watching the feeling, observing it, and rolling it around in my hands.
That's the best way I can describe it.
No promises but I plan to try to write about my early labour and River's birth ASAP during/after each occures.
River has dropped a lot more. I can barely walk, seriously. There is so much pressure in my pelvis that walking is very very uncomfortable and I have to "Choo coo train" breath my way down the street. Like so: breath out fast, breath out fast, breath in slow. I do this because I am that uncomfortable walking and it helps me pace myself, not hurry, or fall in the snow.
So as far as my cramps go, well they come and go. I had about 20 minutes worth of pretty sharp pain in the pubic region that felt like a pen was jabbing into my body and twisting, but since I came home I haven't felt much of anything. So your guess is as good as mine.
Herman has grown to monsterous proportions and Jason, due to my whining, took a look at him and basically told me he is now prepared for an alien to pop out of my ass and it was a real learning experience to go on eye level with someone's butt growth. This only scared me more and I put some much perperation-H on my b-hole that my farts should smell like minty goodness. I'm hoping that a weekend of side laying will take some of the pressure off my irritated nether region causing the swelling to go down.
Zach and I saw the baby! Actually we spent about two hours in the hospital room. It was nice because I got to see the place which will help later. Also got to hold the baby. So cute. Got to watch Ginny breastfeed, interesting. Heard lots of crying. Got to talk to Ginny about labour and get tips on what to bring that I wasn't planning to: quaters, boppy (Josh fed for 2 hours straight!) and a tank top (room was fucking hot!). The spotlights that cast intense light at the foot of the bed creeped me out a little bit. (your vagina is a star!) But I feel even more ready for labour and I'm looking foward to it intensely. Ginny was so peaceful and calm like a budda. I want to be a budda mommy too.
I'll keep you all updated. Cramping again. Going to get some sleep while I can.
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