Daughters

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There is something special about having a daughter. Just as River will always have special points for being my first child--the baby that made me a mother--Sage is my legacy. Every father wants a son, I've heard said. Maybe the same holds true for women. Every mother wants a daughter. 

Me, I've always wanted both. I'm balanced like that. I love variety. 

But I have always really wanted a daughter. After having River, I felt like if I never had a girl I would be so sad. I've been so lucky. The million dollar family is what my midwife called it. 

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Only recently am I starting to think of Sage as who she will be, could be, and not just a baby lump to snuggle. She could be a mother. She will be a woman. She will be more like me, in so many ways that River can not simply because of her sex. As River ages I see him identifying more with Jason, craving that "man-time". The way he acts reminds me of my brother--rough and physical. His play is chase and tickle and fling and spin and wrestle on the floor. Sage is watchful and talkative. I have no idea what little person quirks are waiting to come out as she grows, but I've seen how little girls play. How they mother their dolls and stuffed animals, how they color intently, and how they communicate.  

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I see myself in both my children, but in my daughter I see the line of mothers that led through me to her. If she chooses to have children, if she nurses them at her breast and rocks them to sleep, if if if--she'll understand what I felt for her and her brother. 

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In my daughter, I see myself--a child held, a child loved, a precious daughter. Holding her in my arms, I feel my own mother as a part of me. 

She brings balance, peace, completion to my life.

Just as her name implies.

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