I have a new bit of wisdom to add to my mantra. To the patchwork of words that see me through the toughest times in my life, help me embrace the simple things, and be content with what is.
Thank your spouse.
It is attempting to live in the present. It is something I hear about it yoga. To let go of the past and stop worrying over the future (both so hard at times) and to live in now. As each thought comes, acknowledge it but don't judge. Judgments is so often negative. Think about it.
I shouldn't think that.
I wish it wasn't that way.
That's wrong.
Guilt.
Shame.
Pride.
Let go.
Yes, sometimes I think outrageous things, cruel things, plain wrong things, self-depreciating things, useless things I can't change (but wish I could), angry things, unfair things....
But those are just thoughts.
Give them a nod,
MOVE ON.
It is what we do that makes us who we are. Not what we think.
What can you do in this moment?
Hug your child.
Thank your spouse.
Smile?
Be thankful?
Be present in the moment.
January is the doldrums. It also has a malevolent feeling to me. It seems like so many people lost a loved one this month. It seems like the dark is heavy and violent. The evening slinks up and sinks in with its teeth.
Today the baby threw many mini tantrums about things I can't help her with. Angry crying. She likes to hit. River cried the entire walk outside. Set off by Jason and I refusing to carry the book that River insisted he would bring. I held his hand and occasionally rubbed his fingers. He fought us on everything.
I don't want to go that way, I want to go this way!
I want to go down the stairs, not down the hill!
And tears and tears. Tears because I insisted he ask politely and not whine/demand. Tears because he still had the book. Tears and tears. I let him cry and just held his hand. When we got in I sent him to lay in his bed and wait. I climbed in beside him and read him a book until I heard a loud rattle-bang followed by frightened, pained cries. Sage had pulled the baby gate down onto herself. I was out with her in my arms and when I tried to set her down she cried harder.
So into the rocking chair. Sage nursing, River squished in on the free leg. I read a long book to him. They swapped places on my lap and I read some more. I could feel them relaxing in my touch and our shared closeness. I didn't resent their need, I understood it. I gave and gave and gave.
Today, I was present.
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