Recently in Sage Category

I've said before that age one was the hardest year with River. I bragged that two was nothing. Two was joy. I thought three has been a bit harder but age one was by far the most challenging.

I am the giver of nicknames to my children and try some on for size and swap them out quite frequently. Sage has been Little Miss, Missy, Miss Girl and Miss Baby. We also still use Sagey and Sagil once in a while. A friend even called her Sage-a-licious. From this same friend, I stole Girly Goose which has to be the sweetest pet name ever and really fits with Sage's new goofy developments. 

"Mommy, why is diarrhea wet?" River asks me as I am trying to convince him to put on his shoes and coat so we can leave preschool.

There is something special about having a daughter. Just as River will always have special points for being my first child--the baby that made me a mother--Sage is my legacy. Every father wants a son, I've heard said. Maybe the same holds true for women. Every mother wants a daughter. 

Big enough to sit at the table in her high chair batting at toys and happily gnawing on them while we eat as a family. No more three filled chairs and one empty. Our table is balanced. Our lives very full. Life feels more right than it ever has. 

"It's Super Peanut Baby Sagey with her super spit up attack!" I fly Sage over my head, her lower lip and chubby cheeks dragged down by gravity. A spot of drool forms at the lowest point. 

One of the upsides of pregnancy is that it regulates my moods after the first trimester. I ride a hormonal high of good feelings. It seems like nothing can pop my bubble. I feel positive almost constantly. Now I'm not sure what is bothering me. It's either the baby blues, my new birth control I started, or seasonal depression. Here's what I do know, since I started my birth control I feel more emotional and anxious, but I am more lethargic and moody on cloudy days. There isn't much I can do if the cause is my birth control. If it is seasonal depression, I've begun sitting under my light therapy lamp every evening for thirty minutes. Doing so always perks me up from a fog of fatigue. 

I hit six weeks and everything started to fall into place. I'd been told it was the magic number. Six weeks for River to accept how his life has exploded into chaos after a new baby. Six weeks for me to stop feeling half asleep (though I still often feel half retarded from lack of sleep), to get into a routine, to adjust to hauling two kids in and out of the house here and there without feeling like crying in a heap. In summary, six weeks to feel somewhat sane again.

I no longer feel the need to hide in the house. I no longer have to struggle to get through the days. I know those days will still happen. They always do--with one child or two. But, I basically feel like myself again. Although, I'm still marveling at saying I am the mother of two, of talking about my children and saying "My son, River and my daughter, Sage.", of watching the big one climb the slide and barrel down head first while I hold a floppy baby against my chest in arms that still remember days upon days of holding her brother when he was this small. Like riding a bike, you never forget how to care for a baby. Mothering is natural, easy, familiar now. My body knows the way, even as my mind sometimes freezes over the fact that here I am.

My life--the mother of two children. The strangeness and awe doesn't dull with time.


Raising these kids is like a long television series. I look forward to the next episodes and get nostalgic over things that have passed and can't be lived again. Jason and I already talk about the sounds and phrases and messy words that have faded from River's speech. Already Sage changes and sheds her mannerisms as she grows. She doesn't purse her lips and pant when she wants to nurse anymore. She doesn't stick her legs straight out, tense, when she latches during a feeding. We're all learning to sleep through her night time grunting. Changes keep on coming.

We have moments, flashcard fast. Like nursing Sage in bed while I opened my birthday gifts. River taking the boots the "kids" bought for me and insisting on wearing them both and then dancing in bed. Moments.

Yes, I'm exhausted. Raising children is work, but these are happy days. As my memories fade and blur, I am left with a feeling of deep, satisfying, contentment. 

Mothering two kids takes some getting used to. I spent about four hours yesterday morning trying to get out of the house. By the end of that time I felt close to tears. I was so frustrated that I couldn't get out the door. It is mostly that my breasts are in high demand and nursing is a 20-30 minute commitment.

On a tangent-- I used to think women who chose not to breastfeed were selfish by not giving their infants the best food out there. Now, now I totally understand. All this "better for your baby" mumbo-jumbo is a huge investment of time and effort. That would be the boob-milk, the cloth diapers, the baby wearing, the staying-home-with-the-kids-thing. Formula mommies, I envy you your freedom. Hired a nanny? Dude, I understand. Disposables bad for the environment and your wallet? Saves you a shit load of time in doing laundry, stuffing diapers, folding pre-folds...

Oh, so back to how I couldn't get out of the house. It was partly that I only had one hand free if the baby is awake. Add to that a potty training kid that still requires my assistance to go.  Then there is the sheer amount of crap I have to haul around for the kid that could possibly piss himself and the one that most certainty will followed by a rocket ship explosion of orange poo.

Not every morning is like that though. Monday I got out of the house with no problems. It was easy. That's just the things with kids. You can't control them. Add a second and you're out numbered--having to change your plans for the needs of not one demanding child, but two.

And some people are more neurotic than others and don't-like-not-getting-things-done.

ISSUES!

I have them.

Of course, it's only been two weeks. Things will get easier as I get used to this and Sage gets a bit older. You know, old enough that I don't have to worry about River falling on her and squishing her flat. A true concern. While not malicious, my number one is hella clumsy. When he runs, he looks drunk. No lie.

My mood is also heavily influenced by how much sleep I manage to snag. It seems that about every other night, I get just enough and the ones in between I run on about four hours. That being said, Sage is a much better sleeper (thus far) than River. I don't yet feel totally brain dead from fatigue.

So two+ weeks into this whole mother of two thing and what would I recommend?

Maybe a slightly larger age gap between child one and child two. To make sure one is completely potty trained and in preschool before you complicate your life with a newborn. Which, er, was the plan that didn't quite work out when I got pregnant only a couple weeks after being off birth control when we were, er, trying not to get pregnant the old fashioned way.

Other recommendation--don't avoid pregnancy the old fashioned way. Doesn't work.

Still, life is pretty good. Mainly because River is wonderful with his sister. Giving her kisses and hugs, wanting to hold her, helping me wash her, running into my room to check on her when he hears her making noise. He hasn't yet had any jealousy issues directed at her. I'm waiting on them, but so far not-a-one. It's a good feeling to see him loving her. Especially after she just shit on my hand (making up for the fact she can't pee on me it seems).

I'm tired, easily frustrated, and feeling a bit out of my element but still---happy.

The hardest part of being a new mom for the second time has to be my inability to get things done. No surprise that I'm mildly neurotic. Rest? Rest? What is rest? I need to do laundry! It takes me hours to fold the clothes because I have a demanding two year old and a newborn. Plus being tired--oh, so tired. So when the baby blues hit Wednesday morning, what was I crying about? Not being able to clean because I was too tired and had to take it easy.


A nap cured that little funk. Now I make getting one a daily priority.

I had a really hard time slowing down the pace of my life with River and it isn't easy this time either. I just can't accomplish as much in one day--not yet. I have to slow things down, force myself to relax. It is challenging because two is more than one. As simple as that. Everything is going to be a bit harder for awhile as I learn to function with two children.

The second hardest part is River. He's only a bit jealous. Only acting out a tad. He's still potty trained--so far. Just a bit crazy, defiant, and prone to weeping. Though being back on a more normal schedule and with naps, he's much more cheerful (more like his old self) than he was when I first got home. I miss him being my focus, my only. I'm afraid I'm not doing enough with him, but honestly, he's learning to be very independent and spends large amounts of time looking through books and playing with his father's Nintendo DS. He lets me know when he wants me to play with him and I try my best to make that time for him.

Ah, and he loves the baby. He likes to help and talk about her. He doesn't mind her presence at all. But he doesn't like being told he has to wait to do things with us if we are otherwise busy with the baby. So we try to involve him by having him help or talking to him about what we are doing as much as possible. Overall, I'd say he's doing very well. I expect that might change when it's me with two kids next week! Daddy being around has been a big help. I think he should get paid to help me raise these children 24/7!


Physically, I feel amazingly good. I was so sore with River that I had to sit on a ring. That is not the case here. I could sit in a normal chair right after giving birth. I could walk without pain. It's wonderful. I hardly feel like I even had a baby! The postpartum cramps are pretty brutal this time though. I've heard they get worse with each pregnancy. Basically, they are like more labor pains. I took a steady supply of motrin in the hospital. Not that it helped much. The pains have tapered off in the last couple days. Still, if I get the cramps at night--I CAN NOT SLEEP THROUGH THEM. Very annoying.

Also, it is bizarre to be breastfeeding a newborn again. My boobs make insane amounts of milk. I soak my nursing pads, I choke my daughter with milk, it runs all over her face as she struggles to re-latch herself. Thankfully, my milk started coming in next day so Sage was satisfied and sleeping well. Soon, I know, they will stop overproducing. Until then, rock hard boobies. At least my husband and daughter are happy with the change of cup size happening over here.


Sage is so different from River. Keep your fingers crossed for me. She is sleeping 3-4 hours stretches in her bassinet at night. River would not, could not, refused to sleep alone (heh, still does past 2:00AM in the morning). Sage seems to need that quite time. Once 7:00 rolls around she is fussy until I put her to bed.

I spend a long time looking at her face as she nurses or sleeps in my arms. She is changing so much already. I can't believe a week has passed. As tired as I often feel, it's been wonderful.